BAR/BAT MITZVAH
Orthodox:
The Bar /Bat Mitzvah marks a legal change of status, from childhood into adulthood, nothing more. With or
without a ceremony and party at 12 or 13 all Jews become, "subject to the commandments."
History
Bar mitzvah does not appear in the Bible, which gives the age of 20 as the time when adult obligations begin.
However, by the first century of our era, adulthood was universally held to begin at 13 for boys and 12 for girls,
a view codified in the Talmud, which states, "At age 13, one becomes subject to the commandments. The
earliest reference to any ceremony to mark this change dates from the Second Temple period, when a special
blessing was recited for 13-year-old boys who had completed their first Yom Kippur fast. But until the Middle
Ages, the religious distinction between a 10-year-old and a 13-year-old was strictly theoretical. Children were
regularly counted for the purposes of creating a minyan, (quorum of ten needed for certain prayers), so that
reaching the age of 13 was not associated with any particular rituals or celebrations.
That approach to ritual maturity changed drastically sometime between the 14th and 16th century in Germany
and Poland, where minors were no longer permitted to read from the Torah ( the first five books of the Bible) or
to be counted in a minyan. From that point in history, bar mitzvah became an important life cycle event
throughout the Jewish world. Boys were called to the Torah to symbolize the attainment of adult status in the
prayer life of the community.
The central act of this rite was receiving the honor of an aliyah, ( being called to bless and/or read from the
Torah). However, other elements were soon added to the ceremony. As early as the 16th century, bar
mitzvahed boys were delivering d'rashot, (discourses on the Torah portion they had read). In the 17th and 18th
century, some synagogues permitted accomplished students to lead part of the service as well.
Religiously, boys become responsible for their actions upon reaching the anniversary of their 13 birthday. Girls
mature faster according to Jewish Law, hence, they become responsible for their actions a year before boys,
at age 12. Responsible here means, "subject to the commandments". The Bar /Bat Mitzvah marks a legal
change of status, from childhood into adulthood, nothing more.
Today, to mark that turning point the boy is called to read from the Torah –the entire portion of the week, or
the last part, or at least recite the proper benedictions. In some communities the Bar Mitzvah also leads the
prayers, and if he studies in Yeshiva he addresses the congregation on some subject pertaining to the Torah
portion of that week, or an other Talmudic subject related to the specific date or occasion.
Afterward a special a Kidush (refreshments) or a full lunch is served in the synagogue. A Bar Mitzvah can take
place every day of the week when the Torah is read. Many people like to have the ceremony on the holy
Shabbat. But, because music and taking pictures is forbidden in Shabbat, many Orthodox families have a
party after the Shabbat-- that night or the next day. The extent and nature of these festivities are a matter of
local custom, personal taste and the means of the family.
Celebrating the Bar Mitzvah is a recent custom. Before the destruction of European Jewry, Orthodox
communities used to do very little to mark this event. No major celebration was organized, but sometimes a
toast was made after regular prayers on a Shabbat morning.
After the Bar Mitzvah, the Sefaradi children (Spanish Jews) begin demonstrating their new status by wearing a
tallit (prayer shawl). The Askenazim (European Jews) wait until they're married to wear the tallit. This is in
order to let the girls know who is and who is not available for marriage.
BAT- MITZVAH
Because women do not lead synagogue services in Orthodox communities, until recently there was no
ceremony to mark the Bat Mitzvah. A girl's 12th birthday would pass uneventfully. Girls used to look forward
to their 15th birthday in Latin America, or 16th birthday in the US to celebrate...... "a turning point in life ."
Today, for the most part, Orthodox Jews have understood the need to develop ceremonies in order to make
this Jewish turning point significant to their daughters. However, the Orthodox Bat Mitzvah does not happen in
the synagogue, because in Orthodox synagogues girls still do not read the Torah, nor lead services.
In the last five to ten years, some Orthodox women's groups started praying totally separate from the men, in
a different location entirely. That way, they and their daughters can lead services and can read the Torah
without breaking any Halakhic rule of modesty.. --kol isha erva--...which is the only real objection that still
seems to be obstructing women's full participation in communal prayer.
Predictably, the ceremony of Bat Mitzvah in Orthodoxy will change many times in the following years, in order
to accommodate the expectation of women fully participating, being heard and being counted.
Reform:
According to the rules of Hebrew grammar, no one is ever bar mitzvahed. One becomes a bar mitzvah, "son of
he commandment," or bat mitzvah, "daughter of the commandment." There is more to this distinction than
grammar. The ceremonies called bar and bat mitzvah - the preparation and study, the public recognition, and
the celebration- do not confer the status of bar or bat mitzvah. At the age of 13, Jews automatically become
bar or bat mitzvah, full-fledged members of the community.
Still, the ceremony associated with this change of status has become one of Judaism's most potent rites of
passage. Bar and bat mitzvah mark and celebrate a fundamental and irrevocable life change: the end of
childhood. Although no one treats a 13 year-old as an adult, the beginning of adolescence is a momentous
transition, one that many human cultures have marked with ritual and ceremony.
Traditionally, bar/bat mitzvah is understood as a ceremony that welcomes a young Jew into the formal, adult
prayer life of the community.
In a religious culture that stresses communal rather than individual prayer, it is a unique moment, the only
ceremony that features one Jew acting solely on his or her own behalf. In celebrating the transition from
childhood to puberty, bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies are also family rituals; moments that mark the beginning of
major changes in family dynamics.
Bat Mitzvah Because a girls' coming of age was not connected with the performance of public religious rites,
the notion of a parallel synagogue ceremony for girls was unthinkable before the modem era. In some German
communities, families would hold a seudah, (festive meal), on the occasion of a daughter's 12th birthday, and
although a girl might deliver a speech and her father recite a blessing, this was not a religious celebration.
Bat mitzvah is a 20th century innovation. Although the Reform movement officially instituted equality between
the sexes in the late 19th century, the first recorded bat mitzvah did not occur until 1922. It was celebrated by
Judith Kaplan (Eisenstein), the eldest daughter of Mordecai Kaplan, the founder of the Reconstructionist
movement. The practice did not become common place until the 1950s, first in Reform congregations and
then in Conservative synagogues.
For many years, bar and bat mitzvah were distinctly different. Boys were usually expected to read or chant a
Torah,( the first five books of the Bible) or haftarah,( selections from the prophets associated with each week's
Torah portion) on Saturday morning where as girls were limited to a Friday night reading from the haftarah. The
differences between bar and bat mitzvah have been steadily diminishing to the point that today, in many
congregations, they are virtually indistinguishable.
Current Practice
Bar and bat mitzvah have a strong hold on the American Jewish community's loyalty and sense of identity.
For many parents, the prospect of a child's turning 13 years old is the impetus for the first contact with the
organized Jewish community since their wedding. Indeed, bar and bat mitzvah are the main reasons many
American Jews send their children to religious school, or even affiliate with a synagogue.
Many synagogue religious schools have a curriculum that prepares students for bar/bat mitzvah. In addition to
basic Hebrew reading, there may be smaller tutorial sessions with teachers and the rabbi or cantor, focusing
on the text the student will be reading: a portion of Torah and/or a reading from the haftarah,( selections from
the prophets associated with each week's Torah portion). Some parents also hire private tutors to work with
their children on these readings.
The content of Torah portions might be explored in depth, and guest teachers may be invited to the classroom
to talk about more "grown-up issues;" everything from sexual ethics to Israeli politics. Rabbis may schedule a
private meeting with each child. There are often mitzvah requirements, such as doing volunteer work of some
kind or collecting money for charity, and some synagogues schedule an annual weekend retreat for their
bar/bat mitzvah class. In theory, bar/bat mitzvah can take place at any service where the Torah is taken out
and read. In practice, however, virtually all of them take place on Shabbat. Children are commonly assigned a
date more than a year in advance.
Bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies vary enormously from one congregation to the next. In some synagogues the
bar/bat mitzvah leads part of the service, reading prayers in Hebrew and English and leading songs and
responsive readings. In other congregations, participation is limited to reading a Torah portion and making a
speech of some kind.
In some congregations, the liturgical participation for bar/bat mitzvah is always the same, whereas in others
more accomplished students are given more to do.
At some synagogues, bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies are not held at the morning service but late in the
afternoon, coinciding with the closing service of Shabbat and havdalah. Many people object to this practice,
feeling that bar/bat mitzvah belongs within the context of communal worship, and that proximity to Saturday
night overly "socializes" the event.
Synagogues tend to have a more or less standard format for bar/bath mitzvah ceremonies. Some rabbis and
congregations are flexible and open to creative changes in the service, whereas others insist on closer
adherence to congregational style. These are subjects to discuss early in the bar/bat mitzvah process.
Children with special needs who wish to become bar/bat mitzvah are almost always accommodated with
sensitivity and respect. There is great variety in how bar/bat mitzvah are conducted, but three are virtually
universal: the aliyah, the speech, and the celebration.
The Aliyah
Receiving an aliyah means being called up to the bimah to recite the blessings for the Torah reading and/or to
read from the scroll. A bar/bat mitzvah may read or chant as little as three verses or as much as the entire
weekly Torah portion. In some congregations, they will only read from the haftarah,( selections from the
prophets associated with each week's Torah portion) and in others from both the Torah or haftarah.
On the day of a bar/bat mitzvah, it is also customary to honor the young man's or woman's relatives with
aliyot (the plural of aliyah). Parents, grandparents, siblings, uncles, aunts, and cousins may be called up to
recite the Torah blessings, open the ark where the Torah is stored, and lift or "dress" the Torah.
The Speech or D'rash
At some point in the service, the bar/ bat mitzvah usually delivers a speech of some kind. These are very
personal and tend to include a fairly formal "thank you" to parents, siblings and teachers. The now notorious,
canned, "Today I am a fountain pen" recitations of the 1950s are somewhat less common.
More often, the d'rash, sometimes written as part of a religious school class or in consultation with the rabbi
or parents, recalls its original purpose; of showing how the bar/bat mitzvah has mastered some aspect of
Jewish learning. His/her remarks may focus on the content of the portion for the week, or just start from there.
Many teachers see the d'rash as an opportunity for a young person to make an important statement about
who he/she is and what he/she believes in. There is also almost always a second speech delivered by the
rabbi, often called the rabbi's "charge," which tends to be a kind of personal sermon addressed to the bar/bat
mitzvah.
The Bar Mitzvah Speech
"Today I Am a Fountain Pen"
Sometimes the punch line of a joke becomes better known than the joke itself. Such has been the case with
a joke about becoming bar mitzvah. The joke, in fact, is often repeated via this one phrase: ... and today I am
a fountain pen.
In the past, a frequent gift at a bar mitzvah was a fountain pen. Before the popularity and price of today's
ball-point, a fountain pen was a prized, cherished item not too far removed from a pocket watch. It signified
accomplishment, achievement, responsibility, position, and arrival. The giving of the fountain pen was the
acknowledgment of entry into adult life, with responsibilities accompanying it.
The cliché bar mitzvah speech usually began with "Worthy (or Honorable) Rabbi, Beloved Parents, Relatives,
and Dear Friends," and ended with the forceful declaration of, "today I am a man!' To hear a 13-year-old
assertively utter this always brings a wide smile. With the giving and receiving of the adult tool, a fountain pen,
it was synonymous to joke, "Today I am a fountain pen."
Far from the arena of laughter, however, was the original bar mitzvah speech or oration, which may still be
heard today in Orthodox and even some Conservative synagogues. They are pearls of junior scholarship.
Originally, the youth passing into religious adulthood, the bar mitzvah or "man of duty," spoke upon a religious
theme and spoke in depth. Quoting from numerous sources, texts, and rabbis, the bar mitzvah would select a
topic or question and present the various comments or positions upon it. If the date fell in conjunction with a
holiday, Chanukah for example, a drawsha (exposition), on the menorah might be heard, including its
construction, its use, materials to be used in it, and its history. If no holiday theme was applicable, any of a
thousand related topics could be selected.
Bar mitzvah drawshes are still heard and presented today. It is an opportunity to show the adult religious
community at large the scholarship of the newest member. Unlike some bar/bat mitzvah speeches today, the
traditional oration demonstrated a boy's Jewish knowledge.
Celebrating
Although tradition dictates that there be a seudat mitzvah (festive meal) to mark the occasion of a bar/bat
mitzvah, there are no Jewish laws or regulations regarding this celebration, also called a simcha. The most
potent messages about how to celebrate bar/bat mitzvah emanate from congregational custom and children's
peer groups.
This is not a new dilemma. During the Middle Ages, rabbis in many communities promulgated laws limiting
the number of guests who could be invited to bar mitzvah celebrations, and even regulated what kinds of finery
could be worn. In part, these laws were an attempt to turn off anti-Semitic sentiments about Jewish riches and
ostentation. However, the rabbis were also concerned about unseemly excess that could overwhelm the
religious significance of the day.
Increasingly, tzedakah (righteous giving, or charity) is becoming a focus for bar/bat mitzvah celebrations. In
the small, Jewish communities of the past, beggars were invited to wedding and bar mitzvah feasts. Today,
many families symbolically invite the poor to their celebratory meals by setting aside a voluntary tax of 3% of
the money spent for food to MAZON(A Jewish Response to Hunger) which funds soup kitchens, food pantries,
and other feeding programs in the United States and around the world.
Alternatives
Although an overwhelming majority of families choose to hold bar/bat mitzvah in a synagogue, they have also
been celebrated in living rooms, function halls, and back yards. Do-it-yourself bar/bat mitzvahs tend to be
small, intimate, and modest. This choice is sometimes made by people who are active in a havurah or
minyan, small, self directed groups of Jews who meet for study, community, and worship. Since Jewish
religious services do not require the presence of a rabbi, the proceedings may be led by a learned family
member, friend, or by the bar/bat mitzvah himself. Some people consult with a teacher or rabbi for advice and
assistance, or hire someone to run the service.
Obviously, this kind of bar/bat mitzvah places many more responsibilities on the planners because they must
determine the nature and content of the service, then design and implement a curriculum for the bar/bat
mitzvah itself. On the other hand, doing it at home or anywhere outside a synagogue means that the entire
service can be tailored to reflect the beliefs and values of the family.
The most common alternative to the synagogue bar/bat mitzvah, however, is the bar/bat mitzvah in Israel.
Families sometimes decide to travel to Israel and hold the ceremony at the Western Wall in Jerusalem (this is
for boys only, because Orthodox rulings restrict public and communal observances and services for women at
the Wall) or at the historical ruins of Masada(for both boys and girls.)
This kind of trip (perhaps the first one to Israel for the whole family ) can have a very powerful impact, and
many people who have made this choice consider it a turning point in their Jewish commitment.
New Traditions
Traditionally, bar/bat mitzvah marks the beginning of commitment, the commencement of Jewish adulthood. In
a community where synagogue attendance is the norm, a bar/bat mitzvah demonstrates this new status by
wearing a tallit (prayer shawl), or being asked to recite the blessings for Torah reading.
In practice, however, bar/bat mitzvah is often the end of Jewish commitment, marking graduation from Jewish
study, permission to stop attending services, even withdrawal from synagogue membership. For the recent
bar/bat mitzvah who attends services only during holidays or to attend a friend's bar/bat mitzvah, there is a
real question about the lasting Jewish impact of this much anticipated ceremony.
To address this issue, Jewish families and institutions are exploring new ways of enacting the status of
bar/bat mitzvah at home, in religious school curricula and in synagogue custom. What follows are some of the
ways people are attaching new meaning and privileges to the status of bar/bat mitzvah.
Before the Bar or Bat Mitzvah
Some families inaugurate the bar/bat mitzvah year or "season" with special time for the child and parents. A
weekend trip out of town, without siblings, is perhaps the most dramatic way to start. During the course of
walking on the beach, visiting the museum of natural history, or eating at a grown-up restaurant, conversations
about and plans for the coming year can begin. This is a good time to get input from the child, to set the tone
for the celebration, and to begin the process of working together to create a meaningful day for the whole
family.
Take the bar/bat mitzvah shopping for a tallit. Or help your child design and make a tallit bag. Augment the
religious school curriculum by selecting a few Jewish books and reading them together. Let the child select
the titles. Make formal dates for your discussions at an ice cream parlor. Work together on a family history
and create a family tree.
In the week or two before the bar/bat mitzvah, go away for another weekend, or just take a long walk together
to talk about the past year, about the ceremony, and also about what is going to happen in the coming year.
Some innovative religious schools run a weekend retreat for bar/bat mitzvah candidates, alone or with parents.
Some schools offer a curriculum where parents and children take a course together.
During the Service and Celebration
Some, though not all, congregations welcome changes to the bar/bat mitzvah script. The addition of special
readings, poems, prayers, and even music can add personal meaning to the ritual. Most liberal congregations
have dispensed with the traditional bar/bat mitzvah blessing that says, "Blessed is the One who has freed me
from responsibility for this child's conduct." However, some synagogues have instituted ways for parents to
participate in the bar/bat mitzvah. Fathers and mothers may be given the opportunity to address their child
publicly, talking about their thoughts, feelings, and wishes on this occasion. In some congregations, the Torah
scroll is passed from grandparents to parents to the bar/bat mitzvah, in a gesture that symbolizes the passing
of the tradition from one generation to the next.
There are countless ways of personalizing bar/bat mitzvah celebrations. In some communities, it is customary
to have a candle-lighting cake ceremony at the reception. (Although as far as anyone can tell, this practice
originated with Long Island caterers who were interested in selling large cakes.) Rather than have a paid
master of ceremonies read a script about the "meaning" of each of the 13 candles on the cake, the bar/bat
mitzvah can take the microphone and invite 13 guests to light one candle each, while explaining what each
person means to her or him. If there are floral centerpieces at the simcha, the bar/bat mitzvah and his or her
family can deliver them to a local nursing home after the party. Alternately, money that might have been spent
on flowers may be donated to some worthy cause, with a note on each table explaining that decision.
Likewise, leftover food may be donated to local shelters for the homeless.
There are many ways to make tzedakah an important part of bar/bat mitzvah. In some families, a percentage
of all money spent on the event is donated to charity, or a portion of all cash gifts is earmarked for tzedakah. If
parents know that a particular relative plans to give money as a gift, they may request that donations be made
to a charitable endowment instead; the bar/bat mitzvah then becomes trustee for this fund and decides which
charities should receive interest payments.
The Year After
Many religious schools offer post bar/bat mitzvah education in the form of confirmation or high school classes.
Families can mark this new educational status with, for example, a special dinner on the first night of "Hebrew
High." Parents may give their child a tzedakah goal or the bar/bat mitzvah might be given a sum of money to
distribute to charities of his or her choosing over the course of the year. Often times, some percentage of a
weekly allowance or baby-sitting earnings might be earmarked for tzedakah. Working in a food drive, or raising
money for a local cause can all be encouraged in Jewish terms: as acts of tzedakah.
In addition to obligations, privileges might also be associated with becoming bar/bat mitzvah: anything from a
night out with the other grown-ups to see a Jewish play, to a later bedtime. At home, the bar/bat mitzvah can
lead Shabbat blessings, or take charge of other aspects of family celebrations.
Synagogues can be enlisted to make the year after bar/bat mitzvah special. The new members of the
community might be given special honors such as dressing or carrying the Torah, or reciting the blessings
before and after the Torah is read. On the anniversary of a bar/bat mitzvah, the rabbi might acknowledge the
occasion. The family can treat a bar/bat mitzvah as a kind of birthday, with a special meal or a gift.
Finally, it is important to remember that bar/bat mitzvah is a rite of passage not only for children, but also for
parents and families. Looking in the mirror parents suddenly see people who are old enough to have a child of
bar/bat mitzvah age, a child who is maturing sexually and a child who is beginning to have strong opinions
about everything under the sun. Watching a son or daughter stand, Torah in arms in front of the whole
congregation, can be a revelation for parents who've seen baby fat replaced by self-confidence. They realize
their family unit no longer includes yesterday's beloved little one and as the child begins a new stage of
development, the family must also change if it is to remain healthy. Parents need to recognize their child's
new maturity, and to respond to it appropriately.
Secular:
Leaving childhood and entering adulthood is an important time in the lives of all young people and in the life of
the community in which they grow up. Entering adults, like entering babies, are guarantees of the future.
The bar mitzvah ceremony is the traditional rabbinic way of celebrating the Jewish boy's coming of age. But in
its present form, it is an uncomfortable ceremony for humanistic Jews since it violates essential humanistic
commitments.
Humanistic Jews obviously reject, on the basis of present childhood development, the age of thirteen as the
time when boys become men. They also reject any celebration that derives from male chauvinism and that
denies girls equal honor to that of boys. While humanistic Jews accept the Torah as important Jewish
literature, they do not deal with it as sacred scripture, and they deny is status as the fundamental symbol of
Jewish identity and community loyalty.
For Secular Jews, the bar mitzvah ceremony is an old ceremony that does not represent an allegiance to the
Torah. For them it is the celebration of the arrival of puberty.
