DIVORCE

"When one divorces his first wife, even the Altar shed tears" (Gittin 90b)

In Judaism, divorce is regarded as a tragic last resort to be turned to only when everything else fails. However, when strife and bitterness become imbedded in a relationship it is better that the couple separates. The Jewish law of divorce was created for the sake of peace and harmony. No one should be forced to live in the hell that becomes a household full of hatred, says Eliyahu Kitov.

A Jewish marriage is consecrated "according to the Law of Moses and Israel", so to terminate a Jewish marriage one has to recourse to that same Law. Halakhicly Civil divorces have no validity to dissolve a Jewish marriage.

The Jewish divorce procedure (Get) has to be supervised by a Bet Din, a rabbinical court (constituted by 3 rabbis), a scribe (Sofer Stam),and two witnesses (males older than 13 years of age).

According to Jewish Law, the Bet Din before authorizing a divorce has to try by all means to make Peace (Sholem Bais/t), only when that proves impossible can they proceed to try to have a mutually agreeable settlement. Once an agreement has been reached, the entire divorce ritual takes about two hours because a document (the actual Get) has to be written by the scribe in a specific manner and for that specific couple.

Jewish Law works fine when both, husband and wife desire the dissolution of the marriage, and when they agree on the terms. When they do not agree, more often than not, Jewish law is totally dysfunctional. There are routine questions asked by the rabbinical court to both parties, to assure their "free will and consent" in the divorce action. Formally the husband "gives" the get and the wife "receives" it. This is based on which, if at all, Biblical verses?

The scribe and the witnesses have to be pious Jews, observant and not related to one and other, or to the husband or wife. If the husband and wife can not meet, the procedure can be arranged through the appointment of a messenger. The husband places the get-document on the hands of the messenger and he on behalf of the husband drops it into the hands of the wife.

After the wife holds the document a few seconds, the document is carefully folded and a tear is made, so it can not be used again. Official letters, called Patur, are given to the man and woman testifying that they are free to marry again.

The woman may not remarry for the next three months, just to make sure she is not pregnant. Paternity seems to be very important in Orthodox Judaism.

Reform:

Judaism considers marriage a sacred institution to be solemnized by the religious authorities of the synagogue. It recognizes, however, that there are circumstances under which divorce is justified. Orthodox and Conservative Rabbis require a Get, a religious divorce decree issued by the Rabbi, when a marriage is dissolved through a civil divorce. Without a Get, ( religious divorce), the parties to the civilly-dissolved marriage are considered by the Orthodox and Conservative authorities still married to each other, and therefore not free to remarry.

In modern life, the obtaining of a Get (which may be given only by the man) is often exceedingly difficult, and has resulted in many tragic circumstances. In accordance with the Talmudic teaching that "the law of the land (the civil law) is binding law," the Reform synagogue recognizes a civil divorce as having religious sanction. Reform Rabbis officiate at the marriages of divorced individuals without requiring a special religious decree.

The Get
While traditional Judaism requires the obtaining of a get (religious divorce decree) before a divorced person may remarry. Reform rabbis will generally accept a civil divorce as sufficient. The decision as to whether or not to obtain a get before remarriage should be made in consultation with a lawyer, who should be familiar with procedures related to obtaining a get, in order to advise their clients more fully.