Welcome To "Kosher Sex" Our Expert for "Kosher Sex" is Daniel Ajzen. Questions about the Jewish Culture view of Sex will be distributed to various Rabbis for responses until we arrange for a regular Expert for this popular subject. Go To The Question Form Current Questions Q: What is ask the experts? Posted on 11/22/2000 A: "Ask The Experts" is an open Question Forum with an Expert in the forum's subject as the moderator. The Expert is qualified to answer the questions submitted in this forum by either, profession, education, or has conducted extended research in the subject. Q: I am doing research for a project at school. We are debating sex education in schools. My aspect of the debate is how different religions view this. Should the parents be responsible for the teaching, or the schools? How is birth control viewed? What is the ideal curriculum for this subject? What should be taught to the different age groups? Please help! Any information is welcome. Thank you! Posted on 03/06/2001 A: 1. Nobody is more responsible for education than the parents. Schools offer support, but without parents participation schools can do little. 2. Birth control is not acceptable for orthodox Jews but, most Jews not only approve of it but consider an obligation for couples to have only those children thay can feed and properly look after. 3. The curriculum should include self estime, self control, boys and girls responsibilities and consequences of unprotected and out of wedlock sex. 4. All groups should learn about the consecuences of getting pregnant. All groups should understand that having children is a responsibility and a burden if the time is not right, allgroups should understand the difference between love and sex by itself. (True love requires, as a marital obligation sexual relations) Q: How can Jewish law oblige a husband to satisfy his wife whenever she desires it, or even, with a specific frequency? Doesn't this ignore human nature--the fact that a man isn't a robot, and can't just make himself perform sexually at will? Posted on 03/06/2001 A: Jewish law requires a husband to make sure his wife is satisfy before he can be satisfied. There are no rules regarding frequency since each person is different but satisfying your partner implies, in my mind, satisfying her anytime she requires it just as he would expect her to do. There are many ways to satisfy a women, men need not have to over do it to make sure she is satisfied. Q: Where does the idea of having sex "through a sheet" come from? is this fact or a vicious rumor? also waht are the other reasons (besides attraction) that a married woman is to cover her hair. and lastly- is negia soley based on the possiblity of the transfer of tameh from man to woman- (in regards to married and non married couples) thanks Posted on 03/06/2001 A: sex thorough a sheet is a fact in orthodox life and it comes out of a strict interpretation of the rules of marital behavior. Only very orthodox, and even then I would not assume all of them, follow this interpretation. The hair is cover because it is understood hair can be very attractive on one hand and because if all married women have their hair covered it simplifies identifying which women are single and whicvh are not avoid unnecessary misunderstandings. Q: does the laws of mikva apply to a divorced man and a divorced woman who have sexual intercource. or are they excluded? Posted on 03/06/2001 A: If you are applying the religious rule of the Mikvah two divorcees can not be having sex since they could be married in order to comply with all the rules. Q: what can you do to try and stop yourself for doing these avirote of spilling your seed? Posted on 03/06/2001 A: theoritically be married and have relations as often as necessary with your wife. Q: what can you do to try and stop yourself from commiting yourself to do the Avara of spilling your seed? Posted on 03/06/2001 A: if it is not having relations with your wife it could be concentrating on studying and other activities. In reality modern life, by postponing marriage to a later date, does not give you many options. If you really worry about it solve it by getting married. Q: What are the rules on oral sex? Posted on 03/08/2001 A: Halachically oral sex, being a misuse of seed is forbidden Q: I am a woman who has been married to a Jewish man for 21 years. I myself have never converted but I have great respect for Jewish tradition and Jewish conventions.Recently, I have asked my husband to do some very simple sexual things with me which he has told me he will not do. We have become sexually estranged over the past eighteen months and he wishes to watch pornography when we have sexual relations. He does not speak or communicate verbally when we have sex and the entire process has become very distanced and mechanical. Our sexual life was never been terribly intimate, but now things have deteriiorated considerably. I have tried to speak with him about my unhappiness with the situation and he does not choose to have the conversation. I am very dissatisfied and am thinking that this sexual situation is not within the framework of Jewish law or intention. I am very concerned about my marriage under these circumstances and would appreciate some thoughts from you. Posted on 03/08/2001 A: 1. Your problem has nothing to do with Jewish or any other religious law or tradition. 2. You have a communication problem which might be solved by counseling since it seems you are not good at talking to each other about this subject. 3. As a reference I can tell you that in Jewish tradition, it is a husband's obligation to make sure a wife is satisfied before he can finish. Hope this helps. Q: if u have sex withunmarried woman or a woman who had sex with some other man What kind of sin is that? Posted on 03/15/2001 A: there are no "kinds of sins". An event is a sin or is not a sin and many times it depends onthe specific circumstances. Having sex with an unmarried woman might , in some instances, not be a sin according to Jewish traditions, nor is it always a sin for an unmarried woman to have sex with another man. Q: 1. If your wife performs oral sex on you, can she swallow the semen and therefore not spilling the semen in vain? Can you perform oral on her? 2. if the choice is either masterbating and spilling your seed or receiving oral and her swallowing it, which way is better? Posted on 03/26/2001 A: From the orthodox perspective there is no justification whatsoever for spilling the seed. From the conservative tradition, if both like it, and it will serve the purpose of further exciting the couple, then it is addressed as an acceptable act. Q: This FAQ has a number of misconceptions regarding the Halachic viewpoint. a) It is not straightforward that birth control is not acceptable for religious Jews. There are situations where it may be used and even required. The worst form of birth control for a married couple is abstinence. Condoms are not permitted because of spilling seed. This is a complicated matter that can be evaluated by one who is a true expert in Jewish law. b) Sex through the sheet is an urban myth. The hypothesis is that when people saw the tallis katan (tzitzis) handing out to dry, they misundertood it to be a bedsheet with a hole in the center. This may be a custom in non-Jewish cultures, but there is no such Jewish custom even amongst the "Ultra-Orthodox". Some of the items are not per se wrong, but could include much deeper explanation, particularly in regard to the spiritual implications. Posted on 05/04/2001 A: You are right, content could include much deeper explanations. We have been looking, and are still looking for reliable sources that would agree to monitor the site and make sure we have deeper explanations from different perspectives including as many "visions" as possible from the ultra-orthodox to the reform. If you know of anybody qualified and interested in helping us please contact me at editor@koshersex.com Thank you for your input it is always appreciated Q: What about stimulation devices (ie. vibrators, others) for the woman? If they increase her pleasure and result in greater satisfaction isn't that a good thing? Posted on 05/08/2001 A: Yes, sex is a pleasurable act and should be dealt as such. Q: is it halachiclly permisable for a married couple to watch adult movies if it helps their sex life? Posted on 06/02/2001 A: Yes it is as long as they do not denigrate anybody Q: i have often heard couples speak of 'swinging' clubs where they can go and watch others have relations. is this permissible in a marriage - and is it permissible to involve outside parties in the 'marriage bed'? Posted on 06/07/2001 A: not from a religious perspective since sex is a function to reproduce and enjoy one's couple. Q: Greetings! I am a seventeen year old (Russian-Jewish) teenager. I came to the US six years ago, and went to an Orthodox Yeshiva. There, I was taught numerous times by great Rabbis that I should "watch my bris". What they meant, of course, was that I should refrain from any relations with girls. Even talking should be limited, in order not to get excited. I am aware of the halacha concerning sexual relations. Masturbation is prohibited (because of the seed's destruction) and a girl (even a Jewish one) should not be touched because of the laws of Mikva. Now...As you probably have guessed, my family is not religious. In our (secular) society it is considered absolutely normal for a teenager to go out with girls prior to marriage (of course without doing anything stupid; like getting a girl pregnant). I beleive in G-D and respect His laws, but even though these great people tell me all these things likie, "You should get your nishama on a hier level and not give in to animal instincts", "make beleive a doctor would tell you to stay away from something or else your life would be doommed, would you do it?"; I cannot stop myself from wanting to have a girl. I know that I'll probably marry after college when I find a descent (hopefully) job. In about eight years. I don't know about Orthodox people, but I want to have a girl since 13 years of age...It's one thing I think about every day. It's one of my most desirable physical goals I want to achive, and now all of that is being torn down by the Rabbi's words. I understand, in no way do they mean anything bad! They're just telling me the hal;acha and with me all the best. Deep inside, I know they are right about it (relations only after marriage), but as I said I just have an inner conflict within me all the time. As far as I know most religious people marry early9 like in 18 They tell me to occupy my head with learning, well I do study, but it has nothing to do with that. Learning doesn't prevent a "physically normal" man from desiring a mate. And, I am not even talking about an actual intercourse. What I mean is, I might just need a girl to have by me, to kiss, and maybe "mess around" with if you can call it this way...Every time I masturbate I feel really bad about it...One person told me that if I masturbate, my "dead" children will be laughing at me in hell. But it's fine because I don't want to have the need to masturbate, but I don't have a girl so at times I am forced to deal with the desire, and often I loose the "fight". I know...I might just be looking for a "loop hall" in the halacha, but as I said, I'm lost. I really don't know what to do, and this inner conflicts is driving me nuts! Maybe you'd have an advice for me? Thank you very much! -Alex. Posted on 06/07/2001 A: Masturbation is not bad when you are single and you shouldn't feel guilty about it since it is completely natural. About having relations there is a loophole if you have relations with a non-committed woman who can not bear children. In any case, remember that the most important thing in religion are your deeds, what you do for others and how you help this world become a better place for each one and for all. Check with your Rabbi about this loophole which is even used from time to time by married Hassidim in difficult situations. If possible, let us know what his reply is. Q: Greetings again! Thanks alot for the privious reply. My Rabbi spoke about sex recently in our class. To make the long story short, he considers the Hassidim who use the "loophole", to be sinful people. He says that "just because some Hassidim do it, doesn't mean that it's the righteous way." And I was told once again to "watch my bris". "Don't worry about it", he said. "In due time, you'll have one girl for the rest of your life". Now, this sounds good and everything, but as you know from my privious question, I have an inner "battle" going on; between my desire to have a girlfriend, and the Halacha. I was told that sexual desires prior to marrige, is the biggest Yetser Hara within teenagers. Now, since this might be true...You can figure out how it makes me feel. You might asusme that I'm writing all this to you, in order to once again find a loophole in the Law. Maybe that is exactly what I'm doing (even though I know it's not right), but I'm tired of this inner conflict... I know you can't tell me to do it or not to do it..Conflict or not; I have to draw the bottom line. Nontheless, you might have a proper advice for me. Thanks. Posted on 06/12/2001 A: You have the loophole in your hands. If it's not right just because some Hassidim do it, it might also not be bad just because some Hassidim don't do it. It's your call, you have to decide what do and do it without regret. This is an important desicion, you have the elements, you have to make up your mind, move ahead and don't look back. good luck Q: Dear Rabbi, Please advise if "adultery" occurs according to Halacha in the following circumstance: A married Jewish man sleeps with a Jewish woman married to a non-Jew. Let's assum the Jewish woman is interested in tshuvah and the non-Jewish partner is incapable of providing her with children. She would now be interested to start a Jewish family. Let's assume that, due to complicated circumstances, divorce for either the Jewish man or Jewish woman (married to the non-Jew) would not be feasible for 1-2 years. Is a)the married Jewish man or b)the Jewish woman married to the non-Jew committing adultery in the above example? Is marriage to a non-Jew considered "marriage" under halacha? Please reply. Thanking you in advance. Sincerely, Lloyd Rosenwein Posted on 06/20/2001 A: It is adultery. Q: I read your answer to the question that it is permissable to watch adult movies to enhance a married couples sexual relationship. Is this according to orthodox halacha and if so I thought it was not permissable for a married man to see another naked woman let alone having sex with another man. please respond as soon as possible. Thank you. Posted on 06/25/2001 A: It's all a matter of interpretation and personal responsibility. If you are orthodox you should be posting this question since you know the answer. Are you looking for a loophole, a justification, a way out or somebody to lessen your burden? Whatever you do you do need to be aware it is your life you are talking about. If you feel comfortable watching movies with your wife (and so is she) and that makes your life as a couple richer and better do it. If you are going to impose it on her, even if you are not orthodox, you shouldn't do it. Q: please clarify your answer regarding a married couple watching adult movies to better their sex lives. I am orthodox and I am not looking for a loop hole I just want to know if I am doing something wrong according to halacha because I do not want to feel guilty about it.This is not something I can talk to my Rabbi about. please respond as soon as possible thank you. Posted on 06/27/2001 A: if you are orthodox then you shouldn't watch these films. Q: iS IT TRUE THAT MASTURBATION FOR SOMEONE NOT MARRIED IS ALLOWED? WHY? AND ARE THERE ANY SOURCED OF THIS? THANK YOU Posted on 07/10/2001 A: it is accepted since it does no harm and it is far better than running after ladies without a clear commitment. Q: What are the various opinions concerning premarital sex/sex btween 2 single people? Posted on 07/11/2001 A: There are no 'various' opinions. Basically it is not accepted. Single people are expected to get marry and then have sex. Q: If a jewish man has sex with a woman but uses a condom is it permitted, because there is no transmission of bodily fluids, so its not really sex. If its not permitted why not?? Posted on 07/17/2001 A: sex is sex, a condom has nothing to do with it. If you eat with a fork or without, you are still eating. If you walk with a shoe or without you are still walking, aren't you? Q: Hello! Regarding the act of circumcision--Is there a way around this if I desire to be intimate with a Jewish faith person. Posted on 07/25/2001 A: Your question is not really clear, would you like to elaborate.? Q: Why doesn't the Torah say anything about having sexual relations between uncle/neice being considered incest? Also, why isn't it considered adultery when a married man has relations with a unmarried lady? Posted on 08/06/2001 A: It is not considered adultery when a married man has relations not with any unmarried lady but only with non-commited ladies who can not have children. If a woman can not conceive her husband can divorce her leaving her alone. Being realistic, no one will marry them since, theoretically, young men will marry to create a family - which they can not- and older men seldomly out-live their wives leaving many ladies who can not conceived or are passed that age alone. By allowing this 'loophole' the Bible takes care of both, the women who can not conceived or for some reason never got married or where divorced or widowed and of those men travelling far away from their homes. Q: Hello Again! Regarding the question posted on the 25 pertaining to circumcision; I am a a non circumcised male. Which I know is totallty weird.... Like who the hell is not circumcised these days!!! Anyhow, there is this lovely Jewish girl that I've been getting 'close' to, and she insists that in order for anything to go further, (and even then its not guaranteed!) I must be circumcised. So, I was wondering if there was anyway around getting 'closer' to her without cutting my favorite friend. I hope that this question is suitable for you Rabbi. By the way, how long does it take for a person to have a kosher conversion? Just wondering? Another thing, while I'm on the topic. What's the big deal with being circumcised anyway? I get the whole covenant thing... but why that?!! why not a finger? a toenail? a piece of the ear?!! etc... Thanking you in advance Rabbi, for your insight. Posted on 08/06/2001 A: A real conversion takes as long as you need to because it requires you to study and learn. Usually it takes between 6 and 24 months depending on your interest. The big deal about the circumcision lies in the fact that first it is a big deal to do it since you are 'mutilating yourself' (without any danger of course as proven by thousands of years) but still, as you can see, you yourself feel it is a big deal and that's the idea. It is a big deal to join in the Covenant, the traditions and the responsibilites. Maybe if it was a toenail you wouldn't feel, to begin with, that it was such a 'big deal, see? More importantly, your worry should not be limited to the circumcision itself it should be directed to the requirement to study, learn and join a new group of beliefs which might not fit you personally. Take it easy and one step at a time. Q: Can you please tell me where exactly I can find the written laws of sex? I have been asked to show where it says that certain things are permitted and not. I know of the story of Onan, but I am wondering in particular about the satisfaction of a wife (no, it's not my husband asking - he's just fine with that), what is permitted etc. Thank you kindly for your advice. Posted on 08/20/2001 A: there is no such thing as one place since most of these rules came from different books and different times. There are some books with some of the information but not one with all of it. Do you prefer the halachick side of it or the more social aspect? Maybe our visitors can recommend different sources so that we can all review them ? Q: are kosher rules good only for Jews? Posted on 08/24/2001 A: Of course. These rules are basically for Hygiene and behavior to avoid confrontations and social problems. Q: Thank you for clearing that up. I thought it might be more than one place! I am interested with the halachick side of it. I am attempting to answer questions posed by Christians (I am a Jew) who seek more information. More specifically, where can I find reference to the laws referring to the satisfaction of a wife, and how the frequency of relations is determined by the occupation of the husband. Thank you very much. Posted on 08/27/2001 A: Couples are required to have sexual relationships. The man is excused if his job requires him to be out of town, or if he has a traveling occupation. The man's job is too satisfy the woman and the woman needs to satisfy the man. The frequency has to do with the woman's menstrual period: They are not allowed to have sexual relationship starting the day she starts her period until 7 days after she finishes it and only after she goes to the Mikvah. Q: Please let answer this letter by ORTODOX RABBI ONLY and put your name if possible. Question 1 In marriage husband and wife are very limited in positions when they making love. As far as I understand women can not be on top or turn her back to husband and so on. My question, is there any exception if woman is pregnant and it is very hard for her to do it �usual� way ? Could women be on top or can she not face man? Or may be some other ways is allowed ? Please let us know if something allowed and if yes what exactly. Question 2 If both husband and wife are a baaley tshuva (was not born in religious homes and head sexual relation before become religious) is the same strict rules applied to them in choosing position when they making love. It is very important because people been espoused to a different sexual life and after become religious and live by rules life seemed totally bad and causing later problem in sholom bais. Again if something allowed please let us know what exactly. Thank you and I hope I�ll hear from you soon . Please let answer this letter by ORTODOX RABBI ONLY and put your name if possible. Posted on 09/19/2001 A: No orthodox rabbi wanted to answer your question. We suggest you contact your local orthodox shul. Q: I saw your answer about masturbating for an unmarried man. you said it is allowed. what are the reasons? where is it written? i would appriciate your answer because until today i thought it is totaly unacceptable, and one of the worst sins. thanks Posted on 09/19/2001 A: the only 'worst sins' are those mentioned in the ten commandments. Judaism is not a religion of sins, it is a religion of commitment, beliefs and actions. Of course, you can always find fanatics and sometimes ignorants who would like you to believe otherwise but it is upon you to allow them to control your life or not. Q: In an earlier post you said that very orthodox use a sheet and you assume that not all of them do so. My question is where do you get this from, I am almost 35 and had the strictest orthodox upbringing, and till today I never heard something like this from any of the rabbi. Is it written anywhere? Posted on 09/19/2001 A: No it is not. Actually we said it is not written anywhere and only some very selected ultra-orthodox followers follow this custom more because of their interpretation and their willingnes to limit their options rather than out of any given or wildly approved regulation. Q: I am a 14 year old girl ,who comes from an orthodox family. As you probably know at my age i become as it's called horny.& like to touch my self in a sexual manner.is this doin a sin.Can u tell me ways to masturbate,without commiting a sin? thanx! Posted on 09/19/2001 A: starnge language for an 'orthodox' 14 year old but anyway, it is not forbidden and there are no specific recipies I can give you. Q: I was wondering if u have any sex positions that are allowed to be performed by an orthodox man. Posted on 09/19/2001 A: whatever his imagination pleases as long as he makes sure she is fulfilled and the possibility of procreation is not disturbed. Q: i am married and inexperienced when it comes to sex positions. can you recommend a or two book that is not too graphic but will explain what i need to do and how? can you also recommend a sex video? thank you Posted on 09/24/2001 A: We do not recommend books or videos. If your relationship is rich and fulfilling you should have no problem enjoying each other. Q: My girlfriend is not jewish. Are you aware of any material that states that such a reltionship is qualitively worse than a premarital relationship with a jewish girl? Posted on 11/07/2001 A: none of them are acceptable. why would one be worse than the other? Your options are both questionable. good luck Q: Oral sex is the only way my wife will get an orgasm. If she does not get an orgasm she will not be satisfeid (which is not acceptable on my part according to the TORAH). Am i aloud to preform oral sex on her private part ? Posted on 11/07/2001 A: Yes you are. Enjoy life and have good children Q: > Hello. > My name is Bryan Samuel Barnett-Woods, and I am planning on running a > program for a group of jewish teenagers about sex and Judiasm. Myself, also > being a teenager, I am curious to know, what are important topics that as a > group should be discussed. What is considered to be important knowledge > versus something that is not as signifigant. Where is a good place to > start, what are the general overviews that I can sum up and conclude with. > > I appreciate any information you can give me. > > -Bryan Samuel Barnett-Woods > BryanAZA@hotmail.com > Posted on 11/13/2001 A: Identity, Commitment and most of all what have you personally done to deserve being a Human, a Jew and specially a Mentsh. If you've done nothing special then discuss specific things you can do to help yourself be a better Jew, to help the world be a better place and to help all of us move up even a little more from where we stand today. Q: Is 'Kosher Sex' different from any other sex,let say, goyish sex? Posted on 11/20/2001 A: Basically yes. What you call "Kosher Sex", meaning "Jewish Sex" requires, before anything else,that the woman has full satisfaction. If she is not satisfyed, the sex act as such, has not been fulfilled. Q: about the topic of swinging, a)can my wife and i have another couple massaging us b)if a man had sex with my wife but he used a condome is she still prohibited to me, or do since he used a condom it would'nt be considered sex pe sa (regarding this halcha) c) what ever your answer are please let me know were you got it thank you so much Posted on 11/30/2001 A: a) no, you can't, b) yes she had sex Q: follow up. you answered that my wife having sex with some one else who used a condom is considered sex, question is she prohibit to me? and from where do you base this law? Posted on 12/10/2001 A: Your wife should have been faithful. If she was not, the Orthodox position would be that she is should not be with you anymore. Fortunately, today we have many different positions sustained by either the Conservative or the Reform movement, which would actually consider moving on under the assumption of mutual interest and understanding. I strongly suggest you contact your (or any) local Rabbis before jumping into any conclusions Q: how would you describe kosher sex in one sentance? Posted on 12/10/2001 A: Safe, fully satisfactory sex Q: what do you have to do in order to be punished for incest.someone told me just looking at the person is naked and kissing .how does the torah make it not permitted what if its youre mother arent you allowed to kiss and hug etc. Posted on 12/10/2001 A: The difference is so obvious. Incest requires sexual contact. Affectionate contact is something completely different. If you do not know the difference or boundaries between these, two you should consider consulting a teacher, therapist or health provider to enhance your information Q: My wife is pregnant and has no desire for sex, I find my self having alot of trouble with this. I want to know if masterbation is allowed under certain situations Posted on 12/10/2001 A: She needs to contact her doctor or have a straightforward conversation with a therapist or with you since there is no obvious physical reason for her having lost her sexual interest. Q: My wife and I would like to know whether there is an obligation to have a cover over us during marital relations? If so, does the cover have to be replaced if it falls off during the course of these relations? We would be grateful if you could also provide the source for your answer. Posted on 12/17/2001 A: According to very orthodox positions the answer is yes in both instances. According to anybody else the answer is no. You should follow whatever tradition you feel most confortable with as long as you understand that both you and your wife need to enjoy marital relations and respect each other, Q: Hi, I have copied the below quote from the Mishne Torah ... He may even engage in unnatural sex, as long as he does not spill seed in vain. ...." (Mishne Torah, Hilkhot Issurei Biah 21:10) And would like to know if this means that I allowed to ejaculate while engaging in anal or oral sex? Thanks in advance Moishe Cohen Posted on 12/24/2001 A: according to this tradition you can not because if you do you would be spilling seed in vain Q: Can you please clarify what "according to this tradition..." means. Are there other orthodox traditions that permit this? Please can you provide sources. Thanks again Q: Hi, I have copied the below quote from the Mishne Torah ... He may even engage in unnatural sex, as long as he does not spill seed in vain. ...." (Mishne Torah, Hilkhot Issurei Biah 21:10) And would like to know if this means that I allowed to ejaculate while engaging in anal or oral sex? Thanks in advance Moishe Cohen Posted on 24, A: according to this tradition you can not because if you do you would be spilling seed in vain Posted on 12/26/2001 A: No there are no other 'orthodox traditions". There are other views such as the conservative, reform, and even the secular and each lives by the standards once believe in, don't we? Q: Is there any opinion that says that if sex is performed with a condom that it is not sex halachically because of the physical barrier of the condom (that is, because the condom causes a separation between the two bodies)? Posted on 01/19/2002 A: On the contrary. If you want to follow strict Halachick ruling you can not use a condom Q: What are the halachic issues for a baal tshuvah who had a vasectomy prior to becoming frum? Posted on 02/06/2002 A: if the process can be reversed, it should. Q: im currently engaged to a person ive been with for a long time. are we allowed to satisfy each other without the actual intercourse or is that considered a sin? Please do not post! Posted on 02/18/2002 A: According to strict Halacka it is a sin. According to a more logical less strict view it is perfectly OK since you are avoiding all the pitfalls while making sure your life and relationship stay in good track Q: What can I do with my secular relatives who do not want to follow Halacka? Posted on 02/26/2002 A: You can not convince all the world to agree with you. Be tolerant. One teaspoon of honey brings more flies than a bottle of vinegar Q: What exactly is a Mikva? What goes on during the process? Are there other people watching you during this process? Posted on 03/08/2002 A: Basically is like a small pool (big tub) where women go for an in-depth cleansing (in older times and remote communties this might be their only opportunity to get a real in-depth bath). Like in a Sauna, other people might be in the pool or if it is for a special event guests are outside sharing with the bride this moment. All this is for hygiene. Now for religious purposes, prayers are said and for human reasons good wishes are extend. Q: You mentioned that some very extreme, ultra-orthodox perform sex through a sheet. How dare you take a baseless rumor and report it as fact? (Something that's probably based on someone seeing a pair of tzitzis hung out to dry, and thought the hole was for sex.) In fact, most orthodox halachic opinions say the couple must both be completely naked because "kirvat bosor" is required. Even the most ultra-religious chasidim who don't get naked but are partially clothed with a shirt or gown during foreplay, would lift the shirt to their chest-level so that their would be "kirvat bosor". If you had some decency you would retract what you said if you can't quote a source that can confirm that the practice exists. Then to go on to call those who consider masturbation forbidden, ignorants - that's a prime example of "Chutzpa"! It is stated quite expressly in the Shulchan Aruch that it is not permitted, and according to the Zohar, which mentions this many times, it IS one of the worst sins. You've got a lot to learn about before you consider yourself an authority on KOSHER sex! But least of all, don't call others fanatics and ignorants because they may know more than you! Posted on 03/13/2002 A: You posted your question at KosherSex.com I assume by your tone you where trying to reply to Mr. Boteach. Unfortunately this site has never been related to this person. And although we agree with some of his positions we disagree with many others specially with calling names. We think every person needs to make a decision by himself about his life (including his/her sex life) and no book nor person can or should impose their opinions on any given individual. It is true many individuals give up their right to choose for the more comftable position of having somebody else decide for them what "is" right and what "is not" but, then again, giving up their freedom and right to choose IS their right. I do not think you are wrong nor do I think you are correct. I only think you have the right to express your ideas and everybody else has the right to agree, disagree or even disregard while nobody has the right to impose their ideas on anybody else whether it is under "religious presuppositions" or "political posturing". If a person is so limited that he needs somebody to tell him what is right from wrong then that person needs to choose whom will they follow and, of course, by the same token, can change the leader any time he /she wants. If a person makes up its own definition on what is good or bad for himself that's his right too. None is foolisher or more ignorant than the other and certainly none is more right either. Q: Is sex kosher? Posted on 03/25/2002 A: sex in itself is not kosher or not kosher. Some traditions make it kosher for those who follow those traditions Q: I am not a jew but want to get circumcised becuase the bible says to. Is there anyone you know of that will do this for me? The hospital charges $4000 and thats just a bit out of my price range. Can you help me? Posted on 04/04/2002 A: Please check with your neartest Shul (Synagogue,Temple). I'm sure they'll be able to help you Q: I am an orthodox woman who has been married for 18 years. I am separated from my husband and am procuring a get. I have not received one as yet. I have fallen in love with another man who is unmarried and we are having an affair. I want to marry this man once I have my get. I know I have transgressed halacha. And for this I must do teshuva. But I yearn to marry this man of my dreams. Is there any way---any heter for me to do so?? Is there any lenient opinion?? Please help. Posted on 05/20/2002 A: No. If you want to remain an orthodox you'll have to wait for your get. Q: I am a 37 year old Chozar B'Tsuvah who is looking for a orthdox woman for marriage. I have been around the world and around the block a few times. The women who have always been religiou that I meet tell me they want their first sexual expierence to be mutual. Is there really Jewish women between the ages of 25-35 who still have the virginity? And if so why is it a crime if I already had sex. Per haps I could enhance her first espierence. Posted on 05/20/2002 A: Yes, there are such women and not only in the orthodox community. And no,it is not a crime for you to have had sex, but if they don't like it and prefer somebody else they have the right to ask for what they want, don't you think? Q: I saw this question and answer posted previously: Q: how would you describe kosher sex in one sentance? Posted on 10, A: Safe, fully satisfactory sex Would not consensual be part of that, or is it expected that the woman does consent due to being married? Posted on 05/20/2002 A: Sex is always consensual. When it is not, it is called rape. Q: According to orthodox tradition can a man stay with his wife, after she has committed adultry? Should the length of her affair be taken into consideration? Posted on 06/17/2002 A: Yes they can stay together if that's what the husband wants and they both agree to it and no, the lenght has no importance. Q: I have always been interested in Jewish culture and religion. I was not raised Jewish, but find myself in the incredibly lucky position of wife to a very good Jewish man. As a young teenager, his father initiated him sexually with a woman. Ever since I heard the story, I've been curious to know if this practice is either accepted or common in Jewish culture? I guess this is more an anthropological question than a religious question, and I would not want a son of ours to be so initiated (though my husband seems to have very liberal ideas about sexuality and young people). Do fathers sometimes take sexual education to this level with their sons, and does Jewish tradition or law have something to say about this? Posted on 07/05/2002 A: Yes it is common among son and father. It is not a religious practice but just as well it is a good social practice Q: why do we have to close the light during sex? Posted on 07/05/2002 A: According to the ultra-orthodox to make sure you fulfill the commandment of reproduction without lust but, according to conservatives and reform jews you can have the lights on or off whichever you both prefer and enjoy the relationship as much as you both want Q: Attention all visitors: Your opinion is requested: I am upset and disappointed by your supposed �halachic� views on �pelegesh� (concubines) I also feel that the category of Pelegesh was not properly explained, as it is an extremely important issue in our generation. And we can not allow the influence of Christianity to tarnish our view of what Halachah says. I think a Pelegesh is a: 1. Jewish woman 2. Who keeps the �Laws of purity� (as would a married woman) 3. Has made a Halachic Vow to be monogamous to her chosen spouse 4. Does not live or move into the house of that spouse, but has her own accommodation 5.a. Is not married Under the Chuppa (or engaged) or any other way 5.b. Is note bound by any legal or monetary contract to her spouse 6. Does not have a history of �sleeping around� 7. She may have children from her spouse and they are not considered illegitimate 8. If she wished to end the relationship, all she has to do is break her vow (a Halachic problem? �but not as big as aguna!) 9. Once she has broken her vow she is forbidden to return to her previous spouse/s As I am sure you are aware, the only Poisek to categorically forbid a pelegesh is the Rambam (Sefardi), however, all of the other Ashkenazi Poiskim see nothing wrong with pelegshim. Moreover, puskin that a (Ashkenazi) man is allowed up to four peleshim (at one time, not at the same time ;-) but only one wife, where as Rambam doesn�t allow ordinary men (only kings) pelegshim, however, does allow them up to four wives (this would be the accepted law amongst the Sefardim). Do you agree or disagree with me? Posted on 08/19/2002 A: Lets leave it first as an open ended question to seer who else can or want to provide us with further comments on this issue. Q: im a 16 year old non religous boy and i set my eyes on a religous girl. my ? is i want to know whats the best way to aproch her.if anyone out there got sugestions please E-MAIL me at GOTMAIL16@JUNO.COM Posted on 10/25/2002 A: Learn what she believes in if you like it and appreciate it let her know you like what she believe in and you are learning it initially for her sake and now because you like it. Q: What does "na'arah" mean? I saw it in the section about rape... and was wondering what it meant. What if a Jew is raped by a Gentile? or if a Gentile is raped by a Jew? Are they required to get married? Posted on 06/11/2003 A: Rape has nothing to do with marriage. A raped woman is not required to marry anybody. Q: I see many questions/answers here allowing (essentially) almost-anything-goes, based on the torah. Yet 'Kitzur Shulchan Orech' clearly states that kissing a woman's "parts" is a clear-cut NO-NO..? Posted on 06/11/2003 A: For orthodox interpretations this is correct but for conservative, reform and other interpretations making sure that she gets as much pleasure as possible is the main concern. Q: I am looking for a book called Kosher Sex. I do not know the author. The book is about relationships. I heard about it about a month ago from Sue Joanhanson she on candain tv.every night chicago time 10pm. The show is caled Sunday night Sex orTalk Sex.There is no way to contact her. Maybe you can help me. Thank You Lois Posted on 06/11/2003 A: go to http://jewishwebsight.com/bin/books.cgi?input_item=0385494661&input_search_type=AsinSearch if the address does not come through properly go to jewishWebSight.com, select books and on the search write Kosher Sex. Q: according to halacha is it permmisable for a married man to masterbate during sexual relations if his wife cannot have any more children because of a medical condition. Posted on 06/26/2003 A: if you are having relations you are not masturbating. Q: In a response to a previous question the answer given was: "sex thorough a sheet is a fact in orthodox life and it comes out of a strict interpretation of the rules of marital behavior." This really cracks me up. A fact of orthodox life? I dont know where you get your information from but this is totally off the wall. I've lived in about as strictly orthodox community as you can get all my life and have never ever heard of such a ridiculous thing. As a matter of fact the Gemora says that if one of the marriage partners wants to have sex only clothed it is grounds for divorce. Posted on 08/14/2003 A: You are right, there are all kinds... Q: How do you have sex with ur wife if you are not allowed to spill?? you only aloowed to have sex for kids or is she allowed to use the pill???? thanks Posted on 08/14/2003 A: According to strict Halakha, she is not allowed to use the pill since yes, one of sex functions' is to procrate children. Q: HI, i am a young 25 year old divorced single mom. As a healthy female i have a high sex drive. I want to know what the halacha is for an unmarried woman to have sex. do i have to go to the mikvah? Posted on 08/14/2003 A: If you go by halakha you should try to remarry as soon as possible. Q: i am 5 months pregnant and having intercourse with my husband the traditional way has become very hard. are there any other positions we can perform while still pertaining to the laws of halacha? Posted on 08/14/2003 A: Halakha is not a positions' manual. You can have sex and you can enjoy it. I am sure you'll find ways to do it. Q: According to halacha can a person masterbate before having intercourse and then ejaculate inside his wife. Also can he masterbate if his wife cannot have any more children because of a medical condition and is to tired for sex and therefore even if he spills his seed it is not in vain because his wife can not have children anyway? Posted on 08/14/2003 A: Yes to the first one, and regarding the second one I think there is something more to this situation. Maybe you should disucss it with her to see why is she always "tired" and what can be done about it. If you really believe, even if swhe has a medical condition, if God wants her to get pregnant she will. Since youare not double guessing Him you are never 'wasting' your seed while having relations with your wife. Q: I am an orthodox man with three children My wife has stopped keeping th Shabbos and we are now proceeding to divorce. She has not gone to the mokvah for over a year and a half. I have not gone outside of my marraige but I am not a monk. Is masturbation acceptable in this situtation Obviously I want to be in a relationship and share that part of my lfe with a healthy woman. It will take a while for the divorce to go through and I am really "hot" under the collar. Thank You in advance. Posted on 11/03/2003 A: Yes it is accesptable under the circumstances as is having female company as long as it is clear that the female companion (A widow or divorcee)can not expect a relationship to florish and preferably arnot in child bearing age.. Q: Are flavored condoms considered kosher in the literal way? What does the Jewish law have to say about it? Posted on 11/03/2003 A: it would depend on the flavoring used. If the flavoring elements are kosher then the flavor is. Q: Can you please give me the source for this? Q: I am an orthodox man with three children My wife has stopped keeping th Shabbos and we are now proceeding to divorce. She has not gone to the mokvah for over a year and a half. I have not gone outside of my marraige but I am not a monk. Is masturbation acceptable in this situtation Obviously I want to be in a relationship and share that part of my lfe with a healthy woman. It will take a while for the divorce to go through and I am really "hot" under the collar. Thank You in advance. Posted on 11/03/2003 A: Yes it is accesptable under the circumstances as is having female company as long as it is clear that the female companion (A widow or divorcee)can not expect a relationship to florish and preferably arnot in child bearing age.. Posted on 11/06/2003 A: For your own peace of mind I would suggest you check with your personal Rebbe. Nothing short of his opinion will give you the sense of correctness you need. Q: Shalom, Recently my Wife and i have found out that we get greatly aroused by things of very mild sado-masochistic nature, as in mutual biting, hicky, etc. Questions is: a: is it halachic-wise ok if the biting might even be very strong (involving wounds with blood?) b: is it permitted to let myself cut by my partner if it serves as an aphrodisiac? Thank You, Posted on 11/17/2003 A: No damage can be done to either body Q: I am 16 and i am having these desires about sex that I never had What should i do about my desires Posted on 11/24/2003 A: Speak with your parents about them Q: Posted on 11/24/2003 A: Speak with your parents about them Q: I am an ultra orthodox 22 year old woman. There are many Halachic misinterpretations on your site that I would like to discuss with you. In an answer to a question Posted on 03/06/2001 you write: "The hair is cover because it is understood hair can be very attractive on one hand and because if all married women have their hair covered it simplifies identifying which women are single and whicvh are not avoid unnecessary misunderstandings." Your answer is extremely simplified. The answer has nothing to do with simplifying identification of married and unmarried women. Your answer doesn't state he Halachic and Kabbalistic reasons to hair covering at all. In answering a question concerning masturbation you write: "Masturbation is not bad when you are single and you shouldn't feel guilty about it since it is completely natural. About having relations there is a loophole if you have relations with a non-committed woman who can not bear children. In any case, remember that the most important thing in religion are your deeds, what you do for others and how you help this world become a better place for each one and for all." I want to comment that your words "in any case, remember that the most important thing in religion are your deeds..." contain the Halachic answer to the question of male masturbation: It is forbidden according to Halacha, and if deeds are what is important, this is yet another deed to abstain from according to Halacha. And lastly, about your letter written by a 14 year old orthodox girl saying she likes to touch herself in a sexual manner, you responded: "strange language for an orthodox girl..." I ask you: why is that strange language for an orthodox girl? All girls, regardless of religious denomination, experience puberty and feel a need to get to know their bodies and to experiment sexually. If she would act on her desire and have premarital sexual relations -that would be strange behavior for an orthodox girl. But the language she uses is the language of any teenage girl. A truly religious person asks questions pertaining to his or her religion, whether they be questions pertaining to sexual matters or others. The reason I write this letter is because I feel a forum such as this for Jews is important and beneficial. Yet, if you claim to have Rabbis answering the questions, please answer them according the Halachic perspective. If you insist on answering questions based on your interpretation of Halacha, or based on a modern and enlightened interpretation of Halacha, then please indicate what type of Rabbi is answering the questions: Conservative, Reform, etc. I hope to see some changes on your site. Thank you. Posted on 12/12/2003 A: Please feel free to post your interpretation about hair, masturbation and certainly teenagers questions. They will only enrich us all Q: I am quite suprised at the level of ignorance of those who answer the questions on this site. Statements such as "only deed are important" is a Jewish philosophy falacy invented by the Solomon Shechters of Jewish thought. See Maimonides' 13 principles and then explain how Judaism only cares about deeds! In your discussion of hair covering, you backhandedly say that the halacha is only b/c of attraction purposes and to distinguish between married and unmarried people, I wonder if you have heard of the wrod "Eirvah," and if so - why did you fail to mention this most important element of this halacha!! Regarding masterbation, although lossing one's temper is normal, as is a desire to eat meat (wether it recieved proper shechita or not) we are still commanded to refraim from such non-halachik activity, even though it may be natural (for those who aregue that there is a gay gene - a gay man must also control that "natural" urge!). Lastly, it is a sad statement on this web site that you condone watching pornographic films! Judaism views sex as the greatest spiritual act one can partake in, it is an enterprise that is drenched in kedusha (holyness) and the introduction of rated X films is such a perversion of this most lofty ideal. I pity those who contaminate their sex life with watching other people peform! Posted on 01/20/2004 A: You should be surprised at the ignorance of those who think Judaism has one immutable face. Actually those who think so have been outcasted (Karaites) for example because the mainstream believes that Judaism is a morphic set of believes which based on a set of basic truths allows for different interpretations. I am glad you do not agree with the Solomon Shechter school in so many issues, I am sure they do not agree with you in at least as many still, both you and him will be considered Jews by both other Jews and non-Jews alike so, altough I appreciate and applaud your support for your ideas I would strongly suggest you refrain from calling ignorants those who do not agree with you and instead present your points of view in such a light that you convert them to your position. Came back with your knowledge, we will always appreciate it Q: Already posted this question on www.Belief.net to Rabbi Boteach. Later on I found your site, which seems more suitable, because I Would like an answer from an orthodox perspective. Here is our delimma (or is there?). A family member is interested in a woman, with the intention of marriage. Well, incredibly, this "big beauty" is stronger than she looks, and looks strong! He, on the other hand, doesn't stand a chance; she's definitely much stronger. Regardless, he argues there's nothing wrong with that. Could you please give us your opinion, again, the orthodox/hassidic view. Thanks. S. Weiss Posted on 01/20/2004 A: What do you mean by stronger? there seems to be aproblem about strength but we can not seem to figure out what it is, do you want to be more specific? Q: Yes. I mean physically, besides being slightly larger (she's about 5'11, a couple hundred pounds or so, he's 5'10, 145). I know she works in a job requiring lots of strength. She once teased a group of us, women, by gripping both our hands with one of hers. Most of us, ME INCLUDED, could not pull free. Likewise, with other single handed challenges. My brother is very bright, works in finance, but, to be blunt, a weakling. Even I can almost handle him! However, althouh a little bossy, she does have a wonderful nature. She likes to please others, and will really go out of her way to help someone in need. Posted on 01/21/2004 A: so what is your problem? Q: Is it normal for a man to marry a woman stronger than him? Posted on 01/21/2004 A: certainly. No problem Q: i love boys and have tons of boy friends why is it against the law to show off our bodies to boys? Posted on 01/21/2004 A: For many reason: One is that the more you show, the less you'll marry one. A second one is that boys, believe it or not, will not like you preceisely because you show too much too often, The third because Judaism is based on a principle of modesty, of you respecting yourself enough to know you can attract anybody you want without having to show off. You should be exposing your complete self, including your values, your intelligence, your culture, your awareness of the world and your interest in making it better and then your body. Since thisd is the most obvious, the most instinct oriented it is also the less valuable in the long run. Q: according to halacha is anal sex permitted. and if it causes pain for the woman is it allowed? Posted on 02/26/2004 A: Since the objective of sex is to reproduce anal sex it is not permitted specially if it causes any discomfort, pain or humillation Q: What about "injaculation" as practiced in Taoism (pressing the perineum @ special point between scrotum and anus to close off exit to sperm prior to orgasm, and concentration on "sucking" the sperm and energy back up the spine) as an alternative to common masturbation? Seems this avoids waste of seed. Posted on 02/26/2004 A: I don't see any problems with this altough I'll have to take your word for it. As long as you do not denigrate anybody, cause any harm or pain to them or you I suppose this might be OK Q: I suppose everone finds a way of discussing and satisfying their animal desires, even though they write the most adverse and strange things. It says in Shulchan Oruch Even Ho'Ezer 23 that any form of masturbation is forbidden, whether single whether married! This is not a matter of opinions or views, these are the laws laid by by G-D himself in the Torah, by Air V'Onan, who were both killed because of the wanton act of wasting seed. Whoever set up this website can feel free to close it down and get his sexual satisfaction from somewhere else. I hate to think of the punishment awaiting him when he has to give account for the countless sins, Chiyuvei Koreis, which he has no doubtly caused by permitting the most forbidden sins. I'm not being fanatic or anyting like that, but those are the laws and ideals set forward to us and as were are all "Avdei Hashem" Servants of G-D we have to keep to his rules however hard it is! Thank you for reading. Posted on 03/17/2004 A: If this is what you believe in that's OK. But for those who do not share your beliefs this, as so many other issues, are a matter of opinion, where common sense, health, happiness and Tikkun Olam become at least as important as the interpretation of one or another philosopher. Personal decision and personal responsibility are paramount. We do not believe everything has been written and decided for us. We believe each individual has to make his own decisions and be held responsible for them. You made the right decision for you. Let other people make their decisions and be held responsible for them that�s the only way they will ever achieve their potential. Avdei HAshem do not need to give up their ability to think nor their ability to decide even if it is against their best interest. Again, you opinion will be very importatn for some but never binding for all Q: In response to the question from Feb 26, the Rambam, and other Halachic decisors clearly disagree with you. "Biah Kdarchah, v'sheloh Kdarcha"(which is vaginal and anal [some say, oral] intercourse) are permitted as long as they fulfill the sexual needs of the woman. No act that causes pain to a spouse (anal or vaginal or anywhere, for that matter) are **EVER** permissible!!!! Posted on 03/17/2004 A: No act that causes physical or moral pain or discomfort to either spouse is allowed Q: IS IT OK TO USE NATURAL PRODUCTS TO HELP KEEP AN ERECTION LONGER? Posted on 03/17/2004 A: Yes Q: IF IT IS DONE IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME; IS CROSS-DRESSING (MAN DRESSING N WOMANS CLOTHING) AGAINST HALACHA? Posted on 03/17/2004 A: Yes as long as you do not shame or disturb your partner or anybody else Q: (Please post this message even though it contradicts what you believe, and disrespects your views. I believe every one is entitled to be given the free choice to make his own decisions, and this posting will just help them- by giving them more oppertunities. Thank you in advance.) Q: IF IT IS DONE IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME; IS CROSS-DRESSING (MAN DRESSING N WOMANS CLOTHING) AGAINST HALACHA? Posted on 03/17/2004 A: Yes as long as you do not shame or disturb your partner or anybody else. Are you Jewish at all? Do you not know that there is an Issur D'Oraysoh- Forbidden by the Torah to cross dress?? Have a look at Devorim "Loi silbash ish b'bigdei ishoh" A man cannot dress in the garments of a woman!! On who's grounds are you permitting it!!!???? I write again, and this time for the general readers on this website. THE AUTHOR OF THIS WEBSITE HAS NO CREDIDENCE AT ALL IN HIS HALACHIC VIEWS, AND BESIDES FOR PERMITTING THE MOST FORBIDDEN THINGS, ALSO ENCOURAGES THEM!! READERS!!! I BEG OF YOU ALL, IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS OF THIS NATURE, PLEASE, PLEASE, GO TO A COMPOTENT RABBI OR RAV WHO CAN ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS CORRECTLY WITHOUT ANY DEVIATION OF THE TRUE LAWS!! EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HIS ANSWER IS GOING TO BE "YOU'RE ENTITLED TO YOUR OWN VIEWS ETC ETC," I'M STILL POSTING THIS WARNING TO GIVE PEOPLE THE CHOICE TO MAKE THE PROPER DECISIONS AND TO COME UP WITH THE RIGHT ANSWERS TO THEIR QUESTIONS. May all of K'lal Yisroel have besoirois toivois, good news, live according to the CORRECT halachos, rules, and merit to rid ourselves of the teribble influence of the Yeitzer Hora. Posted on 03/18/2004 A: You are absolutely right. If a reader wants an halachick response he should go to the rabbi or rebe of his choice. Be aware not all rabbis share the same opinions so either choose the one line of thought you like or approach various rabbis from different organizations. And of course, this forum is open to ALL as long as they respect the other person's views. Q: I have spilled my seed many times in my life as I am a balt shuva, and at one point I even made a neder to stop. well the other day i saw some arousing pictures and I spilled my seed. I let my Yatzer hara get to me and I want to stop. And I do not want it to effect my wife or children Posted on 04/14/2004 A: Do not worry, it won't affect them Q: If sex must be done at night/with the lights off, how can you see your partners vagina-where to insert your penis??? Thank's Posted on 04/14/2004 A: sex can be done at any time. Q: It is absolutely forbidden to have relations between a sheet. Where in the world did this answer (see below) come from?! Q: Where does the idea of having sex "through a sheet" come from? is this fact or a vicious rumor? also waht are the other reasons (besides attraction) that a married woman is to cover her hair. and lastly- is negia soley based on the possiblity of the transfer of tameh from man to woman- (in regards to married and non married couples) thanks Posted on 03/06/2001 A: sex thorough a sheet is a fact in orthodox life and it comes out of a strict interpretation of the rules of marital behavior. Only very orthodox, and even then I would not assume all of them, follow this interpretation. The hair is cover because it is understood hair can be very attractive on one hand and because if all married women have their hair covered it simplifies identifying which women are single and whicvh are not avoid unnecessary misunderstandings. Posted on 04/14/2004 A: You mean to say that among orthodox and ultra-orthodox it is absolutely forbidden to use a sheet ? Q: 1) One notes that the Rambam spoke of certain practices (such as oral sex) performed by the wife upon the husband as problematic. Since there is no spilling of seed involved in the husband performing such things upon his wife would they be forbidden as unnatural or given the nod as increasing the wife's fulfillment and the couple's closeness? They certainly increase her pleasure - many women physically can not achieve complete fulfillment otherwise. 2) There is a tendency among many Jews from Africa and the Middle East, as well as some of the European Charedi, to practice nearly complete separation of men and women in social life. If men and women have limited opportunities to deal with each other in everyday life can they be expected to magically transform and do so when they are married to one another? Loaded question, I know. But real marital happiness is of great concern to me. 3) In the Torah there are detailed laws concerning the separation of a menstruating woman. African Jewish families observe these stringently; the wife often moves out of the house for those days. What is actually required by Tanakh? Not rabbinical decree or local tradition. What does Hashem really require of us in this regard? Posted on 05/14/2004 A: 1. No it is not forbidden since her satisfaction is primordial. 2. Actually yes, many arranged marriages or "fast-marriages" with only basic knowledge of each other are very succesful. I wouldn't know if these marriages are more or less succesful than the ones based in long relationships but maybe they are given that each one is committed to its success a bit more than in open relationships? 3. Only he knows. Be happy, make her happy, build a good family and care for your community and stop wondering through areas which might be a bit to cumbersome for some Q: This is going to be a very hard letter to read, just as it is to write it. But I need help. My husband and I married when we were 21. We are both baalei teshuvah. I had sex before I became religious. My husband has never had sex with anyone other than me (as far as I know). For the first 7 yeard of our marriage we lived in a community that killed our souls. We were miserable and poor. Our families do not support our marriage. Though my in-laws claim to be observant, they still regard working for money more important than keeping Shabbat. As far as my parents go, my father isn't Jewish and I have basically been on my own since I was 18. We have been married almost 12 and half years. My husband seems to be going through some sort of midlife crisis. He wakes up in the middle of the night crying. He leaves for hours without saying where he is. When I ask him if he is sleeping with someone else he claims he would get a get first. He is now also saying he hates being Jewish and resents going to Jewish day school and not having an active teen sex life. Until a week and a half ago I thought we were doing better than we have in years. But now he is saying he doesn't love me and he thinks he wants to leave. The rabbis I spoke to seem to think I should let him go, that he has failed me as a Jewish husband and that despite my three kids, I will be better off. I will be finishing my degree next May and go to medical or graduate school. The problem is that I have been here all these years, despite any bickering. Our lives are just starting to get better, we aren't starving anymore, we are paying our bills. I think he takes me for granted. I think that I have been too eager to forgive him. While I admit that at times I think he is cruel, I know I have also been. I picked up Kosher Adultery last night. Today I opened an email account with a pseudonym and sent him an email explaining I got his name from a coworker. I said I live across from the school where he works and I see him at carpool. He looks good at his job. He is so attractive he must certainly be married. I dont want to lose my husband. What more can I do? Posted on 05/14/2004 A: Then why trick him? Q: Is it true that Jewish women don't Orgasm? I've been married for 2 years, and my wife never seemed to be into sex. She doesn't enjoy it the way I thought women do. She doesn't get Horny. She doesn't moan or even breath heavily. I feel like she's doing me a favor every time we have sex. I sometimes would rather mastrubate in the shower than use her for a Quickie. I probably need professional help, but I dont' even know where to turn... Help. Please. Posted on 05/21/2004 A: Maybe you both need some therapy or help with your relationship. Your problems have nothing to do with her Jewishness. Q: is it a sin if i have sex with my girlfriend,if she says iwant iy,but i know that she must be a virgin before she gets married? Posted on 07/10/2004 A: It is. Q: 1)Is it forbidden for woman to have sex with another woman ? 2)Is it forbidden for women to hug or kiss another woman in a more intimate way ? 3)Is it forbidden for a lesbian to stay married with her husband and only have sex on the days of the mikva in order to please him, whilst she can't enjoy it ? Posted on 07/10/2004 A: it is firbudden Q: My question is about birth control. Are there any over the counter methods that are acceptable by the laws? Or any Herbal birth controls that you know about? I have had reactions to the pills and shots. so I am trying to stay away from the chemical compounds as much as possible. Posted on 07/10/2004 A: the law of the land accepts all kinds of controls including condoms, and other instruments and pills. You can choose from any of them if you want to have control over your pregnancies. If you ask about religious law then it would depend on your specific attitude and in that case I suggest you check with your rabbi. Q: Hello, Regarding "What Is Adultery?" on your website, i know a women/man going out of the relationship and having sexual relationships with a man/women. What about if the man/women agrees to it, so the partner is aware and ok with the other partner having sexual relations with someone else. Maybe the couple have sexual relations with another person together Is this still the same thing Regards Graeme Posted on 07/10/2004 A: Basicaly yes, it is still the same thing Q: is sperm and female's ejaculation are kosher to swallow? Posted on 07/23/2004 A: sperm is meant for reproduction. According to religious tradition it should only be produced for this purpose. Q: Dear expert, I've read a number of postings on this forum and became deeply concerned that many answers have very little to do with Jewish tradition. I beg you to indicate (as you do sometimes) whether the answer is your personal opinon or Reform/Concervative/secular jewish point of view. I beg you not to label the answer as "orthodox" unless you have consulted the Orthodox Rav about the particular issue. Prohibition to lead people astray is extremely serious commandment from the Torah and you have very big responsibility here. Best regards, Dovid Posted on 08/10/2004 A: Thank you for you comments. Do not worry, you will never find an answer label 'orthodox' if it was not provided by an orthodox Rebbe or for that matter label anything different of what it is. Although we do not belong to any one specific line of religious thinking we do support them all and strive to provide everybody's point of view to allow for people to make an informed decision Q: married for 7 years dont think my wife enjoyes sex at all life is very good enjoying each other in other fields what can i do to make her get orgasm. Posted on 09/08/2004 A: pamper her, talk to her and do whatever necessary to make sure she reaches an orgasm BEFORE you do. Her life, and yours will be so much better. Q: Are there any Jewish blessings, Jewish prayers or Jewish utterances which are meant to be said during sex? Posted on 09/08/2004 A: no, Jewish law only expects you to make sure she enjoys the experience at leaqst as muvch as you do if not more. Q: Not knowing that vasectomies were prohibited I had one. I am now divorced and want to remarry a women who is past her child bearing age. Are there any problems? Posted on 09/08/2004 A: no Q: what is the influence of the media in the rampart menace of the society, premarital sex Posted on 09/08/2004 A: much and bad but still making sure your children have a clear sense of belonging, self value and appreciation might compensate. Also, make sure you aloways know who their friends -and their parents- are and make sure they are a positive influence on them Q: is performing oral sex on your wife muter? what about anal sex if she agrees? Posted on 10/20/2004 A: Oral sex on your wife is OK since her satisfaction is so important. Anal Sex is not approved. Q: If a divorced man has a sexual relationship with a separated woman (and the relationship began after the woman has separated from her husband) is this considered to be adultery? Posted on 10/20/2004 A: NO Q: what are the proper positions for having relations with your wife, also i heard that one is suuppose to hold her ankle aand put his hand on her ear or something ? Posted on 10/20/2004 A: There are no proper positions. Mutual satisfaction, care and respect are the ingredients. Q: There are many different types of "sex toys" available for couples. Are there ones that could be considered Kosher, and others not Kosher. What creates the distinction? Posted on 10/20/2004 A: Those toys that help one or both of the partners enjoy more satisfaction and become closer to the other without hurting anybody are OK Q: i was told that the man has to always "finish" ejaculate in the women only when he is ontop, so my question is are you able to have relations in diffren postions knowing that the man may be on the bottom or sside when he ejaculates/ please answer according to orthodox halacha Posted on 10/22/2004 A: I do not know where you get your information. Positions are completely indiferent. Why can't you just be happy, enjoy your partner and concentrate in what is really important: Love her, cherish her while you have her, build a family make sure they are provided for, they are educated as good Jews, they become men of good and they see you as a model and example of good behavior and high achievement. Stop worrying about things which are really untrascendental and start living! I am sure you can do this and grow into the man you are aimed to be Q: what is the orthodox opinion (halacha wise) regardiing anal sex? what are the diffrent opinions, if thee are diffrent takes on this issue, orthodox halacha wise. Posted on 10/26/2004 A: there is no option. ACCORDING TO hALACHA, SEXUAL RELATIONS ARE MEANT FOR REPRODUCTION PURPOSES ONLY. Q: is penetration permitted if your just engaged? Posted on 10/26/2004 A: NO Q: On a recent Q "what about anal sex if she agrees? Posted on 10/20/2004" you answered Anal Sex is not approved. refering to another advice forum, may I re-ask the question with this information: "He may even engage in unnatural sex, as long as he does not spill seed in vain" Oral and anal sex are considered unnatural sex. Talmudic sources speak freely on this issue and, occasionally permit unnatural sex. "If it is occasional, and the desire of his heart is to come upon his wife in an unnatural way, it is permitted." Posted on 10/26/2004 A: It is as long "as he does not spill seed in vain" Q: las costumbres sexuales judias son iguales a las catolicas? Posted on 03/11/2005 A: No, las costumbres catolicas son aun mas opresoras desde el celibato, que con los judios no solo no existe sino es un pecado, hasta la obligacion de tener y disfrutar relaciones sexuales por lo menos los viernes en la noche lo cual los catolicos, no tienen como obligacion. Q: If a man if clinically sterile, do the restrictions of masturbation still apply? Posted on 07/06/2005 A: no Q: I read with interest your answer to the question posted on 10/20/2004 regarding sex/relationship with a non-Jewish separated woman. Your answer is NO, that a relationship with a separated non-Jewish woman (not divorced, but after serparation) is not considered adultery. What is the halachic basis of this? Is it because separation is considered divorce? Or is it because the woman is non-Jewish? If an unmarried Jewish man has sex with a separated non-Jewish woman is this adultery? WOuld it be considered adultery if it was a separated Jewish woman? Posted on 07/06/2005 A: it is because she is no longer married, Q: What constitues "having sex" in a non-married relationship? Is intimiate touching "having sex" and is this behavior ok for those that are not married? What about engaging in mutual maturbation? Is this ok for those who are not married? What about oral sex? Can non-married people engage in this activity? Are any of these activities considered to be adultery if performed by 2 people not married to each other? Posted on 07/06/2005 A: best deal good be to be married but if you are not having sex, means having sex there is no such thing as a little bit pregnant nor is there any other definition for having sex than having it. of course, why are two people married to other people playing around? you shouldn't be worried about the sex thing when you should be worried with your life, your couple and your family Q: Is my husband allowed to come with me to the mikvah Posted on 07/08/2005 A: no, mikves are not mixed Q: 1. Can I have sex with my wife and another uncommitted woman at the same time, and especially if my wife likes it and approves and if she likes having sexual relations with women also? 2. If I was halachically properly married to two wives, can I have sex with both of them at the same time if they consent to it? 3. If my wife likes to have sex with other women also, can I watch them while they pleasure themselves, especially if my wife asks me to do so or invites me to do so? Posted on 07/08/2005 A: actually you can be married to two wives. Of course yo have to care for both. Your wife is not supposed to have sex with other women. Q: I AM CURRENTLY MARRIED AND HAVE 2 WIFES.MY FIRST WIFE HAS ASKED ME TO HAVE SEX WITH HER AND MY SECOND WIFE,AT THE SAME TIME. IS THIS PERMITTED ACCORDING TO JEWISH LAW? IS IT PERMISSIBLE FOR A JEWISH MAN/HUSBAND HAVE SEX WITH HIS 2 WIVES AT THE SAME TIME? IF NOT WHY NOT? Posted on 07/08/2005 A: you can not have sex with both because they are not supposed to be there at the same time Q: I have been married for 16 years. I have honestly never felt sexually fulfilled. I have discussed it at legnth with my husband. Somehow, it never seemed a priority to him that I am satisfied although he and I both know of his obligation as stated in the Torah. Honestly, we are certainly not orthodox, but we send our children to Yeshivot and have tried to incorporate minor changes through the years to try and become more observant. However for the past 3 years, I have been having sexual relations with another man to in order to feel fulfilled sexually. I recently admitted it to my husband because I didn't want to go on sinning. I wanted him to finally want to satisfy me. I have many questions. 1. If my husband agrees, am I allowed to obtain sexual fulfillment from this other man, who is not Jewish by the way? 2. Are there any resources which could teach my husband the importance and the how -tos to sexually satisfy his wife? 3. My husband is a Cohen. What are the consequences my adultery? I read in the Torah that it is death by strangulation. Is this my true fate? 4. I started feeling the need to be with another man after my husband and I aborted a baby because he had Tay Sachs. I knew my husband and I were both carriers, only after we were married and pregnant with our first child. We have 3 healthy children. I felt that making love to him would yield Tay-Sachs affected babies. Psychologically, I believe this drove me to making love with another man. If my husband agrees, am I allowed to use the seed of another man to have healthy Tay-Sachs free babies? We want more and have had 3 pregnancies affected with Tay Sachs, although not surprisingly all but one occurred after I cheated on my husband. I guess I perceive this as a punishment from Hashem. What do I do? I want to save my marriage, but I need to be sexually satisfied and I would rather not suffer any more abortions due to carrying Tay Sachs babies. Please help. Posted on 07/08/2005 A: First, if you are having sex somewhere else that's his fault for not satisfying you. BUT you can not have them with another man certainly not a non-jew. The Talmud has many references and etails about thios subject and of course, there are many, books, guides and therapists to help you overcame this shortcoming. Then it is not strangulation it is stoning and yes, if all the conditions are met, you could find yourself in this position Go to your Rebbe and get a permission not to get pregnant again, and ask him to help you with your husband. pregnancies will finish, husband will be better, and you will be happier good luck Q: Why do teenagers involve in premarital sex? Posted on 07/08/2005 A: because they can not control their hormones. Q: Is it kosher to pay for sex if i do not spill my seed? For I am a very lonely man! Posted on 07/08/2005 A: How can you have sex without spilling your seed? If you are not married you can have sex paid or unpaid with non-commited women Q: IS IT LESS OF A SIN TO HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WHEN NOT MARRIED, IF I GO TO THE MIKVAH? Posted on 07/08/2005 A: can you be a little bit pregnant? things either are or are not. Q: Hi there, I would like to know where you got the answer to the Hole in the sheet question you have posted? Your Answer is by far not the Torah position. Sex between man and wife requires there to not be ANY separation between them too. and in face condoms are prohibited because of that fact and not because it is spilling seeds. It was very misleading to post that answer on your website. Please respond. Posted on 07/08/2005 A: Q: 1) The Talmud clearly allows for any sexual activity with his wife (Nedarim 20b) without any reference to spilling the seed. There is also an opinion that ejaculation outside of vagina is not yetze lavatola as long as it is not done for the sake of contraception, but as part of sexual experience. Why then do you always make a reference to spilling of the seed when addressing anal and oral intercourse? 2) Torah has an apparent paradox by stating that any activity is permitted with one's wife in one place, and yet placing extreme limitations on sexual behavior in other places. Clearly it addresses the full spectrum of sexual needs of a person. If I did not live my full life in accordance with Torah and have gotten used to a certain patern of behavior with my partner in bed, consequently I cannot derive full satisfaction with the limits you mentioned imposed on me. Is it not the approach of Torah to allow me activities that will cause me to be satisfied in my marriage, such as anal or oral intercourse carried out to ejaculation (if that's what it is), rather than risk a more serious transgression caused by consitent suppression of my sexual desires? Posted on 08/26/2005 A: Guidelines are just that, guidelines. You can follow them or not. It is your own conscience, which will determine what, is proper and correct and what is not. That is why all religions have different degrees of acceptance by their followers and Judaism is no exception. All go from the strict orthodox to the very light followers and all depend on each of them to grow. Some might believe that only the Orthodox on each religion have the truth but then you could not explain why Orthodoxies change from generation to generation and accommodate their ways, believes and traditions to the times and technologies. Anyway, if you want to be in the safest position, follow the orthodox rulings and you�ll be as comfortable as can be. If you want to be more independent then follow your heart. Be a good person. Help others be better and make sure you do some good everyday. If those around you, all of us and the planet are better off because of your actions your life will be so meaningful to you and everybody else that this little details will be utterly unimportant. Do good, help others, mature and learn something new every day and you�ll be a good Jew. Everyhting else is commentary. Q: I have been married for 15and1/2 years. My husband and I were both virgins when we were married. A strange fact considering neither one of us grew up orthodox and he was 30 years old. I was always a bit curious if my husband had a normal, healthy appetite. He always said he did and reassured me he was being virtuous in waiting. After being married to him this long, I'm not sure that was a completely honest response. My problem is I have always been seemingly much more interested in sex than he. He seems uninterested and unknowledgeable in both the female and male aspects of sexuality, in spite of my frequent efforts to entice him and pamper him and love him. Today he is 45 and I am 39. I don't know if I am at my sexual peak but I am extremely interested in sex and really have been for the better part of the past decade. I am very confused. I am open and candid with my husband. I have expressed to him that sexual satisfaction is the foundation of, or at least a function of a healthy, loving relationship. I have also explained to him in my most delicate way how I haven't been very satisfied for the better part of our marriage. And I told him how vital to our marriage this issue is. He usually laughs it off as if it is not a real serious issue or blames lack of sleep or the children overhearing us in "action" or working too hard, etc. While I don't discount, and even share, some of those concerns, I believe two intelligent and able adults such as ourselves can find a way around these common concerns. I don't understand. He tries to make me happy in most other regards. Why does he think of sex as such an arduous chore? He loves me and is attracted to me. He has, however, told me that, lately, he doesn't feel loved by me. The truth of the matter is that, lately, because I've been denied satisfaction for so long, I haven't felt as loving towards him. This doesn't explain his less than attentive performance for all the years he did feel loved by me, by the way. And that might be why he is unable to perform so freely. This makes me angry and I feel as if he has a very egocentric point of view with regards to sexual satisfaction in this marriage. He seems to insinuate that he will only be in the mood if his conditions, i.e. feeling completely adored at all times, are always met. Yet he is not considerate enough to satisfy me under my terms or conditions, i.e more frequent, initiated by him, longer lasting, more heartfelt, less mechanical. I have tried to make him feel special, but quite honestly I am growing tired of it, especially in light of the fact that this is more of what a man should do towards the woman. I am growing resentful of him. Sadly because I've been so dissatisfied for so long, I succumbed to an adulterous affair.While, cognitively, I am aware of this sin,sexually, and consequently, emotionally, I have never felt more satisfied. I have not admitted this affair to my husband because I believe this will only serve to cause more harm and pain. But he is more than aware that I am not pleased with him sexually, and in some ways, because of his repetitive lack of desire to take this matter more seriously, I am not pleased with him emotionally either. I have gone as far as to ask his permission to find another person to satisfy me sexually so that he wouldn't have this concern and seeming, burden over his head. At the same time, I would become much more satisfied and able to operate more productively day to day and love my husband in every other way. In order to prevent a divorce, he has actually agreed. I'm not sure if I can go through with it. However I really don't know what to do. Again we are not orthodox but evolving in many ways. Our children attend yeshivot. We have been trying to evolve Judaically and have become much more observant in many ways. I know my extreme suggestion doesn't seem to coincide with the basic foundation of Judaism and marriage, let alone Orthodox ways, but my husband does not nor does it seem will or could put my satisfaction first as, it seems ,Judaism mandates. So I ask you. If I obtain my husband's permission, am I allowed to be sexually satisfied by another man if my husband can't or won't? Or, even though Hashem cries at every divorce, is that the better option? I'm sad, confused and torn apart. Please help. I know I have committed a sin being unfaithful to my husband. I have asked Hashem's forgiveness for this grave transgression. However, I feel as if my husband is unfaithful to the very essence of marriage by ignoring my repetitive please for sexual fulfillment. Also, soon after we were married, we both learned we were carriers of the Tay-Sachs gene. Being of two Sephardic parents, I was never counseled by anyone to get genetically tested prior to marriage. sadly, our Rabbi, although Orthodox, also never counseled us to get tested. We only got tested upon my doctor's suggestion when I was already pregnant with our first child. That's when we discovered we were both carriers. Is Hashem trying to tell us that we are incompatible in every way? We have 3 healthy children, but have sadly, lost 2 to Tay-Sachs as well. Do you think, subconsciously, I am no longer interested in sex with my husband because I equate our sexual act with loing a child to Tay sachs? Please send me some sound advice. As the situation stands now, I don't think I am interested in making love to my husband due to previous attempts at salvaging our sex life which were basically ignored by my husband. His words say he loves me. His actions show the contrary, ( with me, I think the reverse is true) but again only in the sexual arena. I think we could be perfect platonic companions.Should we get a divorce? Or should we save our marriage using the extreme solution of having another man satisfy me? Or should we work very hard at pleasing each other even though I feel I have explored that option for yhe better part of 10 years? I don't want to hurt my husband, my children or even any third party who might serve to satisfy me sexually. But I can no longer deny myself this basic human need. Please counsel me practically useful words of wisdom. Thank you. I know I should be trying to improve myself during this period on the Jewish calendar. Part of me is ashamed to put so much focus on this issue. Part of me thinks I am doing what is necessary to improve my marriage and me and my family's future. Posted on 09/05/2005 A: I have been married for 15and1/2 years. My husband and I were both virgins when we were married. A strange fact considering neither one of us grew up orthodox and he was 30 years old. I was always a bit curious if my husband had a normal, healthy appetite. He always said he did and reassured me he was being virtuous in waiting. After being married to him this long, I'm not sure that was a completely honest response. He was from his perspective and knowledge. My problem is I have always been seemingly much more interested in sex than he. He seems uninterested and unknowledgeable in both the female and male aspects of sexuality, in spite of my frequent efforts to entice him and pamper him and love him. Today he is 45 and I am 39. I don't know if I am at my sexual peak but I am extremely interested in sex and really have been for the better part of the past decade. I am very confused. I am open and candid with my husband. I have expressed to him that sexual satisfaction is the foundation of, or at least a function of a healthy, loving relationship. I have also explained to him in my most delicate way how I haven't been very satisfied for the better part of our marriage. And I told him how vital to our marriage this issue is. He usually laughs it off as if it is not a real serious issue or blames lack of sleep or the children overhearing us in "action" or working too hard, etc. While I don't discount, and even share, some of those concerns, I believe two intelligent and able adults such as ourselves can find a way around these common concerns. � First go to a doctor and check him out. Maybe he has a hormone deficiency or other metabolic imbalance. I don't understand. He tries to make me happy in most other regards. Why does he think of sex as such an arduous chore? He loves me and is attracted to me. He has, however, told me that, lately, he doesn't feel loved by me. The truth of the matter is that, lately, because I've been denied satisfaction for so long, I haven't felt as loving towards him. This doesn't explain his less than attentive performance for all the years he did feel loved by me, by the way. And that might be why he is unable to perform so freely. This makes me angry and I feel as if he has a very egocentric point of view with regards to sexual satisfaction in this marriage. He seems to insinuate that he will only be in the mood if his conditions, i.e. feeling completely adored at all times, are always met. Yet he is not considerate enough to satisfy me under my terms or conditions, i.e. more frequent, initiated by him, longer lasting, more heartfelt, less mechanical. I have tried to make him feel special, but quite honestly I am growing tired of it, especially in light of the fact that this is more of what a man should do towards the woman. I am growing resentful of him. � I think you do need to see a doctor Sadly because I've been so dissatisfied for so long, I succumbed to an adulterous affair. While, cognitively, I am aware of this sin, sexually, and consequently, emotionally, I have never felt more satisfied. I have not admitted this affair to my husband because I believe this will only serve to cause more harm and pain. But he is more than aware that I am not pleased with him sexually, and in some ways, because of his repetitive lack of desire to take this matter more seriously, I am not pleased with him emotionally either. � So basically you are looking for approval for your affair I have gone as far as to ask his permission to find another person to satisfy me sexually so that he wouldn't have this concern and seeming, burden over his head. At the same time, I would become much more satisfied and able to operate more productively day to day and love my husband in every other way. In order to prevent a divorce, Why do you want to stay in this relationship if you are so unhappy? he has actually agreed. I'm not sure if I can go through with it. � But you already did, didn�t you? However I really don't know what to do. Again we are not orthodox but evolving in many ways. Our children attend yeshiva. We have been trying to evolve Judaically and have become much more observant in many ways. I know my extreme suggestion doesn't seem to coincide with the basic foundation of Judaism and marriage, let alone Orthodox ways, but my husband does not nor does it seem will or could put my satisfaction first as, it seems, Judaism mandates. So I ask you. If I obtain my husband's permission, am I allowed to be sexually satisfied by another man if my husband can't or won't? Or, even though Hashem cries at every divorce, is that the better option? Judaism states that an unsatisfied woman has grounds for divorce. Your m�nage a trois makes no sense and spells a lot of problems in the future. Maybe a friendly divorce, a good relationship and dual support for the children would be a better option than a marriage that does not seem to go anywhere I'm sad, confused and torn apart. Please help. I know I have committed a sin being unfaithful to my husband. I have asked Hashem's forgiveness for this grave transgression. However, I feel as if my husband is unfaithful to the very essence of marriage by ignoring my repetitive please for sexual fulfillment. � Forgiveness can only came from your husband this is Judaism, not Christianity. Also, soon after we were married, we both learned we were carriers of the Tay-Sachs gene. Being of two Sephardic parents, I was never counseled by anyone to get genetically tested prior to marriage. Sadly, our Rabbi, although Orthodox, also never counseled us to get tested. We only got tested upon my doctor's suggestion when I was already pregnant with our first child. That's when we discovered we were both carriers. Is Hashem trying to tell us that we are incompatible in every way? We have 3 healthy children, but have sadly, lost 2 to Tay-Sachs as well. Do you think, subconsciously, I am no longer interested in sex with my husband because I equate our sexual act with losing a child to Tay Sachs? � I think you are simply looking for a reason to get out so stop looking and move on if that�s what you want Please send me some sound advice. As the situation stands now, I don't think I am interested in making love to my husband due to previous attempts at salvaging our sex life which were basically ignored by my husband. His words say he loves me. His actions show the contrary, (with me, I think the reverse is true) but again only in the sexual arena. I think we could be perfect platonic companions. Should we get a divorce? Or should we save our marriage using the extreme solution of having another man satisfy me? Or should we work very hard at pleasing each other even though I feel I have explored that option for the better part of 10 years? � Stop fooling yourself. Be friends, leave him alone, I don't want to hurt my husband, my children or even any third party who might serve to satisfy me sexually. But I can no longer deny myself this basic human need. Please counsel me practically useful words of wisdom. Thank you. I know I should be trying to improve myself during this period on the Jewish calendar. Part of me is ashamed to put so much focus on this issue. Part of me thinks I am doing what is necessary to improve my marriage and me and my family's future. � Have a friendly divorce, go look for your satisfaction somewhere else, DO NOT neither use the children nor play them against each other. Help him and help yourself doing this as painless as possible before he learns more about your actions and he is really hurt. Q: This isn't easy for me, so I'll just cut to the chase. I am a 20 year old Catholic who is very religious and I'm dating a 19 year old Jewish girl who is also very religious. She�s stunningly beautiful, independent, extremely intelligent, very proud of herself and what she represents, on top of all that she�s a virgin (that�s rare amongst my age group nowadays). The funny thing is (it isn�t funny at all.) that we kind of connect through our backgrounds. She�s devoted to her religion as I am, we�re both virgins, we have the right things in common and we have the right opposites. She speaks Hebrew and I speak Spanish and on top of that we both come from New York, she�s from Brooklyn (go figure!) and I�m from Queens. She�s really good at Mathematics and I�m horrible at it. I�m artistic with writing and drawing (I hope to be a film director), she can barely draw a stick figure. As we all know that we are not to be marring outside of our religion. I have been able to look past that and to respect her and what she represents with all that I have. She confessed to me that she loves me but she�s having a moral dilemma. I told her that I�m at peace with her being Jewish, it�s not that I wasn�t at peace with it before I just never had a problem with it. In fact because she�s Jewish I find her so interesting. She�s always telling me about the Torah and the holidays, and everyday I learn something new about the culture and religion and vice versa. As to be expected in this matter her parents hate the idea of her dating outside the religion. My Mom (my dad had little to no presence in my life) tells me that if I think she�s a great person that�s all she needs to welcome her to the family, however she also tells me that whatever choice I make be aware of the responsibility that comes with that choice. Out of desperation for some advice, opinions, and guidance. I�m scouring the internet for people in similar situations but had only been able to see that the only way these types of interfaith relationships workout is when one or both partners aren�t religious. Could someone help me, put yourself in my position and tell me what you would do? I need some guidance and advice. This love thing like everything else in my life is turning out to be harder than I thought it�ll be. Thank you for hearing me out and God bless you for helping me. Please be straight forward I wont take anything personal. Posted on 09/05/2005 A: You are not so religious since you are dating each other "In fact because she�s Jewish I find her so interesting. " Or maybe this is the main reason? "people in similar situations but had only been able to see that the only way these types of interfaith relationships workout is when one or both partners aren�t religious." OR when one is so in love that converting becomes a joint partnership You will have children and they need a clear path not a double option to choose from. You really like her? Then convert to Judaism. It is always easier this way since you can recognize Jesus as a Jew and Jewish law as the law he lived by. You can not? Then leave her alone. There are plenty of nice smart good looking catholic girls out there. Find the one for you and live a long and happy life. Q: How many days after having a baby girl can a couple resume having sex accourding to the Torah? And what references do you have to support your answer? Thanks Posted on 09/08/2005 A: according to the shuljan aruj (book 4 pag.34)after a boy you should wait 7 days + 7 days = 14 and then go to the mikve, for a girl is 14+7+mikve. But in some communities they wait 40 days after a boy and 80 after a girl Q: i wanted to know if a jewish female is aloud to finger herself to get an orgasim? Posted on 12/31/2008 A: yes she is Q: I had sex with a married Jewish woman who never had sexual relations with her husband. She was married in a conservative shul with non-kosher witnesses. One of the witnesses may have been a woman. Is this adultery? Posted on 12/31/2008 A: of course it is Q: I was reading the questions above and had a question of my own: since when introducing/initiating teenage children to sex is a good social practice? How does this not damage the sanctity of marriage for the children and for the parents? Thanks in advance. Posted on 12/31/2008 A: religiously never since it certainly damage the sanctity of marriage Q: Some "expert", the sex through a sheet deal is not true..... Posted on 12/31/2008 A: of course it is not, who said it was? Q: Hello friends, I have two questions about kosher sex: 1'st - I would like to know if a jew couple (husband and wife) may have anal and oral sex if they like and want it. It's a sin or not? What's the orthodox position about this? 2'nd - The masturbation still been a sin when a married man do it only thinking in his wife? For example: a man who works in a ship and have two or three months without see his wife may masturbate thinking in her to aliviate the stress cause by de long time whithout have sex? Thak you for your help. Alex Posted on 12/31/2008 A: 1. sex is for enjoment of the couple AND reproduction. Your options are not reproductive and therefor not accepted. 2. if she has not been and is not and will not be around it is ok. Q: Do the laws of "wasting the seed" change if my wife is already pregnant? What I am asking is: Is she allowed to stimulate me with her hand to the point of ejaculation? Posted on 12/31/2008 A: she is Q: Is masturbation forbiddon? Posted on 12/31/2008 A: basically yes but there are exceptions. if you read other questions you'll find some exceptions Q: I am 19 yrs old and in love with a non jewish girl. She is about to break up with me if i dont do anal on her. Is this permissible being that i am single? Also are you orthodox? Posted on 12/31/2008 A: let her change you for somebody less worthy Q: is masterbation forbidden even if you are not married. Like in my case i am an orthodox 14 year old, i have been told to supress my sexual desires through torah study, but this is not possible to to all the time What should i do Posted on 12/31/2008 A: Do it when torah study is not enough. Someday you'll be married, hopefully happily and it won't be necessary anymore. Q: I have a few questions which i am alitte embrassed to ask: ~Is it wrong for a woman who isnt married to have thougth about sex. Almost like fantasys so to speak ~Is watch porn considered very impure ~Is mastrbating considered wrong ~What is considered being a virgin in the jewish religion? thank you Posted on 12/31/2008 A: no, it is normal to have thoughts about sex. watching porn is not impure, it is simply bad because it gives you the wrong idea of sex as sex instead of sex like a loving excercise with your partner. masturbation is basically wrong for orthodox rules but a reality everywhere else. and of course being a virgin means not having had sexual intercourse. Q: Hi I'm posting a question here for clarification on an answer you gave on 07/06/2005. Please read the question again and clarify whether it is considered adultery for a Jewish single man to have sex with a SEPARATED non-Jewish woman (ie, separated from husband but not legally divorced). Thanks "I read with interest your answer to the question posted on 10/20/2004 regarding sex/relationship with a non-Jewish separated woman. Your answer is NO, that a relationship with a separated non-Jewish woman (not divorced, but after serparation) is not considered adultery. What is the halachic basis of this? Is it because separation is considered divorce? Or is it because the woman is non-Jewish? If an unmarried Jewish man has sex with a separated non-Jewish woman is this adultery? WOuld it be considered adultery if it was a separated Jewish woman?" Posted on 12/31/2008 A: 1. there are no different rules for Jewish or non -jewish women. the rules are the same, what is wrong with one is wrong with the other if you are single and the other person is single there is no adultery. If the other person is definitively separated -even when no halakhic divorce has been granted- it is no adultery. If she is temporarily separated it is adultery. Q: I am a li9ttle confused about some of your answers. regarding spilling seed, you said that it is entirely forbidden from an Orthodox perspective, yet you also said that masturbating before marriage is OK. When a guy masterbates, he releases seed. So, from an Orthodox perspective that would be totally not OK, even if he had no other means to relieve himself open to him. I heard that in regards to both oral and anal sex, if the mans sperm goes inot the woman's body, whether in her rear end or mouth, it is not considered "spilling." Is this true? Posted on 12/31/2008 A: no, it is spilling since it is not going towards reproduction. and yes, from an orthodox perspective masturbation is always bad. from my perspective it is not because the human factor, the social factors and the current social-educational requirements for someone to properly sustain a family have added so many years before a succesful marriage can be accomplished that masturbation becomes a better option for most young men who do not want to run after women and/or use 'professional' services. Q: According to halacha, a man is not allowed to kiss his wifes vagina. However can he put a towel or a garment on top the the vagina and kiss it like that? Posted on 12/31/2008 A: according to halakha the man has an obligation to make sure his wife is fully satisfied during their sexual relations. this should be the standard, her satisfaction, (not his) her happines and the strength of the family entity Q: 1) Concerning the question of women having relations with women. I was under the impression that it is a rabbinical prohibition, not a Divine one. 2) I understand that vasectomies and birth control are generally forbidden, at least for couples who have not had one child of each gender. But what is the position where a partner is the carrier of a terrible genetic disease like Huntington's Chorea or hemophilia or both partners carry Tay-Sachs? Is there still a halachic requirement to procreate or at least to forgo contraception when having sexual relations? 3) On a related subject, what is to be done in the case where pregnancy would endanger the life or health of the woman? This question is not entirely hypothetical for me. My wife had a difficult miscarriage and may be in danger if she conceives again. 4) My earlier question about niddah and menstruation was also a serious one. I'm newly observant but am trying to figure out what's important and what isn't. Posted on 12/31/2008 A: 1. and who knows the precise difference? 2. If you are sure you are a carrier, you should avoid procreation 3. if the doctor considers she is in danger, he should do whatever necessary to protect her 4. happines, family and love is what is important Q: Is it a sin to pray to God to give you someone to love in your life? If am single is masterbating ok? I also want to get circumcised where do I go? Posted on 04/08/2009 A: No it is not a sin but you would do better giving God a chance by also looking for her yourself, you'll see how both together can do a better job than if you simply seat back and wait for him to perform a miracle. To get circumcised you can go to your Doctor or local hospital. If you want to convert then go to your local Shul. Circumcision will be the last event in a long process. Q: ARE YOU ALLOWED TO HAVE SEX ON NITTEL NACHT? Posted on 05/10/2009 A: of course, why wouldn't you? Q: If my wife is on the pill, what's the difference between oral or anal sex and regular sex. Are they still forbidden? What if we cannot have regular sex for medical reasons (for the next week)? Posted on 05/10/2009 A: Please review your many questions and separate them so that we can address each issue by itself Q: Is it forbidden for a unmarried single woman to pleasure herself? Posted on 05/10/2009 A: no Q: if someones wife was raped is he forbiden from staying with her Posted on 05/10/2009 A: No Q: How can I get my wife to orgasem in a kosher way? she didn't know from it, we are married 1 year & she didn't want to take help, is there a way I should bring her myself to a hot orgasm? please help me! Posted on 05/10/2009 A: do what is necessary to make her happy, put her on the mood, make her feel good, and take good care of her and if you are tender, loving and caring she will be satisfied, Q: orthodox men dont kiss wife vaginal is a woman in the ultra orthdoux aloud to suck and kiss husband penis Posted on 05/27/2009 A: yes and yes... Q: is ultra orthodoux allowed to have the light on in bed when having sex or only when the men penis is entering the vaginal then it has to be turned off but before that not Posted on 06/08/2009 A: Where do you get these ideas? Of course you can have light, you can be in the dark you can close your eyes or you can open them. Be alive, enjoy, be thankful, be good. Q: halachicly am i allowed to kiss my wife vaginal Posted on 07/11/2009 A: you are allowed to do anything necessary to give her pleasure Q: referring to the last answer if its my pleasure am i allowed to Posted on 07/12/2009 A: Only if it is hers too Q: am i allowed to suck my wifes breast if shes nursing Posted on 09/29/2009 A: yes you are, Q: MY WIFE IS PREGNANT FOR 3,5 MONTHS AND DOES NOT WANT ANY SEX, AND WE DONT KNOW WHEN WILL IT END WHAT DO YOU ADVICE TO ME BECAUSE IT IS VERY HARD FOR ME... ALMOST 3,5 MONTHS NO SEX AND DONT KNOW WHEN WILL BE... Posted on 09/29/2009 A: maybe you and your wife should talk to your Rebbe, this is not how it should be.. Q: you answered a question Q: If a divorced man has a sexual relationship with a separated woman (and the relationship began after the woman has separated from her husband) is this considered to be adultery? Posted on 10/20/2004 A: NO are you sure the answer is no ? and from where do you take this answer? just want to know I'm not trying to question you thanks Posted on 10/12/2009 A: If she has been abandoned and or has received her divorce and he is divorced, why will it be adultery? Q: you answered a question Q: If a divorced man has a sexual relationship with a separated woman (and the relationship began after the woman has separated from her husband) is this considered to be adultery? Posted on 10/20/2004 A: NO are you sure the answer is no ? and from where do you take this answer? just want to know I'm not trying to question you thanks Posted on 10/12/2009 A: If the man is divorced and so is the woman or if she is abandoned there is no adultery. If she is 'thinking' about divorce while being married then of course there is adultery Q: Hi, pls answer my question a.s.a.p im orthdoux, most of the times when i come home from work my wife is very tired, & she asked me a few times already at night if would watch an adult movie or adult clips on the internet just to get her more in the mood, do i have to feel guilty if i watch? is it a sin? im always affraid thet im gonna feel guilty. pls answer a.s.a.p Posted on 10/15/2009 A: No do not feel guilty, on the contrary, feel blessed. enjoy your life, enjoy her, be happy and make sure she is happy Q: Regarding the last question, Tnx for the answer, even if there are nude & sex scence, I shouldn't feel guilty, right? Posted on 10/15/2009 A: NO as long as you stay with your wife and she enjoys it Q: What is the Jewish stance on open marriages? I am hearing more and more about them lately. If Judaism doesn't support them, what is the textual evidence to support this conclusion? Posted on 12/21/2009 A: open marriages? is this something like we are married but we are not but maybe we are if and when we are both on the same line at the same time and if not it is ok too since there is no commitment? Is this what you mean by open marriage? Q: I want to know if anal sex is bad for God? Posted on 12/30/2009 A: short answer is yes because it does not lead to reproduction Q: I think u should post this Shulchan Aruch Even HaEzer 25 25:2 Wikisource: Shulchan Aruch/Even HaEzer/25 He should not become light-headed with his wife, and he should not disgrace his mouth with words of nonsense, even between him and her. As the Scripture says, “He (God) declares to man what is his thought” (Amos 4:13). The sages said: Even for light conversation between a man and his wife, in the future, judgment will be brought on him. And he should not speak with her during relations, and not beforehand, so that he will not think about another woman, and if he talks with her and has relations immediately afterwards, it is said about them, “He (God) declares to man what is his thought” (Amos 4:13). But they may speak about sexual matters, in order to increase his desire, or if there was anger between them, and he wants to convince her to reconcile, he may speak with her in order to increase her desire. Gloss: He may do with his wife whatever he wants; he may engage in relations whenever he wants, and he may kiss any body part he wants, and he may come upon her in the typical way or not in the typical way, or by way of limbs, as long as he does not waste seed (Tur). And there are those who are lenient and say that the non-typical ways are permitted even if he does spill seed, if is is done occasionally, and they do not become accustomed to it (also Tur in the name of Ri). And even though all this is permitted, he who sanctifies himself with what is permitted to him is called holy (Divrei HaRav). Posted on 01/19/2010 A: omein Q: I am orthodox, and used to practice oral sex with my wife. We bothe enjoyed it very much. However several yearsago we heard from a Rabbi taht it wss not permitted. Actually I could not find any source for such prohibition. Could you please advise if it is allowed? Posted on 01/20/2010 A: if it is something you both enjoy, do it, reinforcing the relationship is always important Q: anal sex is allowed by some Rabbis( the Tur in the name of the Ri) as long as u do not get accustomed to it. but my question is regarding "wasting sperm" I have a theory that the reason wasting sperm was considered so evil by the Rabbis is because they believed in the medical science of their time that a person has a limited amount of sperm and that also perhaps that sperm was actually some some sort of life form that u were killing. Basically im of the opinion that if these Rabbis lived in our times they would not believe that wasting sperm was evil per se. what do u think? Posted on 01/20/2010 A: On one hand it is a form / part of life, On a second level, it is a waste of seed, I don't think it is evil but i also do not know if it necessary, Q: From: (Aliza Berger) Date: Sun, 9 May 1993 23:16:35 EDT Subject: Unnatural sex Janice Gelb writes: >I'd like some information on this myself on a related issue: how >severe is the transgression of sexual practices that involve >depositing sperm not in the vagina, which is also a prohibited >practice? If they're going to ban marchers from the parade that >practice THOSE kinds of abominations, the number of marchers would >be a LOT more significantly affected ... Sources on this topic are collected and discussed in Rabbi David M. Feldman's *Marital Relations, Birth Control and Abortion in Jewish Law*, especially on pages 155ff. Since the book is out of print, I could send you the pages. (My rabbi has informed me that Rabbi Tendler recommends this book.) A very brief summary (and I did not look at the original sources) is: The Talmud (Nedarin 20b), after citing a dissenting view, says that a man "can do with his wife what he will". However, there are varying opinions in the rishonim as to the extent of this permission. For example, Tosafot R"i (R. Isaac) gives two interpretations of the Talmud's statement: 1) Unnatural relations are permitted but only without semination, or 2) Semination outside the vagina is allowed, but only when the intent of the husband is unlike that of Onan (whose intent was to waste his seed), and only once in a while, not as a habitual practice. Why the unusual stiplution of "once in a while"? Since when in halacha is one permitted to do something once in a while? R. Feldman explains, based on the interpretation by the Rosh of the form of the verb "v'hiskhit" (he spilled) in the incident of Onan, that Onan's sin was an ongoing one, for total birth prevention, not just a single occurrence. So as long as a man does not continually intend this, he has not committed the sin of Onan. The Netziv (Meshiv Davar, Yoreh Deah, #88) and R. Moshe Feinstein (Igrot Moshe, Even Ha-Ezer #63, p. 156) offer rulings similar to this second (lenient) opinion. Other authorities, especially mystical ones, were strict, based on the Zohar's opinion about the evils of spilling of seed, (for example Sefer Haredim followed by the Shelah (Shnei Luhot HaBrit, I, Sha'ar HaOtiot, 100, a, b). The above discussion is about "unnatural intercourse", not so much about interrupted intercourse, which is looked upon less favorably. Aliza Berger Posted on 03/03/2010 A: right. Q: unfortantley, there's a few fundamental facts that are misleading in your responses. A)it is NOT permitted for man or woman to watch adult movies/videos regardless of there goal. B) a man may NOT kiss or even look at his womans spot. Thanks for posting! Posted on 04/25/2010 A: This is your interpretation. As you know each group, congregation or shtibl many times share the same Halokhe but not the same details. Some orthodox Rebe will consider acceptable anything that makes the woman happy and the marriage a good one as long as it does not include other people and 'un-natural' acts. Watching your wife is not a sin. But again it might be for some but certainly not for all Q: My husband was a virgin when we married, I was not. He did not have sexual relations with me for 10 months, I was so upset, and thought it was me, wondered what was wrong with me. I am attractive, and kept myself looking very nice, and could not understand the problem. Then one day I caught him masturbating in the shower, and went into a rage. I asked him why he is doing that, but not ever giving me any sexual fulfillment at all? He told me that his mother sexually abused him as a child. He has been to some counseling, and we do have some sex now, but it is not very often, i try to entice him, I am very good to him, etc. But he rarely wants it. And when he does, he has to make the environment just so. Like one time we were going to have sex relations, we were kissing, and having some foreplay standing by the bed, we were getting undressed, but first had to carefully fold his clothes and put them them away, roll his belt up and put it away, then he even had to say the Shema, before he could get into bed! There is nothing spontaneous about him. On the rare occaisions we do have sex, he always has to do all of these things before we engage in sex. It is so mechanical and strange. I am so frustrated by lack of sex,and I tell I to please give me more, he always says he will, but he does not.And he says that he does not want me to masturbate either. What am I supposed to do? Jenny Posted on 04/25/2010 A: If you love him you must BOTH go to a therapist as soon as possible. If you don't love him you have the right for a get since he is not fulfilling his obligations. Q: acording to the alajot of sex can you have sexual relations with your wife throught the anus?? Posted on 05/11/2010 A: NO Q: how should a man cleanse his inner and outer self after he has masterbated Posted on 05/14/2010 A: there is nothing to clean, specially not his inner self. Q: My wife enjoys me having oral sex on her;but being an non-orthrodox Jew this is new to her.I told her this is Koser Sex;because this stay intimate only within us.What do you think as a believe? Posted on 05/30/2010 A: Yes, it is OK Q: I am Orthodox and a member of a large Orthodox community. Recently, two friends disclosed that they are a lesbian couple. Regardless of their sexual orientation and identity, they have no engaged in sexual relations, and they maintain a halachic lifestyle (Shomer Shabbat, Kashrut, Mitzvot, etc). If they ever decided to make a long-term commitment to one another (I'm not sure what this would mean, practically speaking), would they also follow family purity laws (i.e. go to the mikvah following niddah) and would they be obliged to cover their heads? Posted on 05/30/2010 A: Not if they are orthodox. If they want to remain Jewish and live in alesbian relationship they will have to move to a Reform or Reconstructionist congregation where they will be welcomed Q: B" H" I have been married for over 18 years. My wife works hard and is not always in mood for marital relations. When I go without for an extended period I experience great pain in my private that makes even a regular walk difficult (painful). Am I permitted to releif myself when the need arrises. Please respond according to the strictest orthodox viws. Posted on 06/03/2010 A: Congratulations on your 18 years of marriage. According to the strictest interpretations self-satisfaction is forbidden (Genesis 30-9-10) BUT that is not your problem. YOUR problem is your wife's unwillingness to fulfill her marriage obligations. This is not an uncommon problem. Women tend to have lower sexual needs for shorter periods of time BUT this does not reflect the complete reality. Even when they don't 'need' it so often they agree to it when approached in a 'romantic' 'considerate' way. They specifically like to be embraced, pampered, kissed, etc. romantically. Actually they prefer this to the sex act itself which means that if you want your marriage to last a lot longer and you want to be more comfortable in it you will have to become 'nicer', 'slower', more pampering. Actually if you do and if this translates into more and more fulfilling relations with your wife you will actually like it and so will she. You will have to "endure" the long beginnings, she will have to "endure" the endings and both will be much happier let me know. Q: Is anal sex or just oral sex considered eishes ish min hatorah? i know it is wrong but is it considered ''sleeping'' with a married woman? Posted on 07/12/2010 A: Yes and Yes... Q: Whot if i got sik of my wife,she is is not acsite me any more? Posted on 07/12/2010 A: Give her a 'get' and let her be happy with somebody who appreciates her. Q: the "Expert" answered on the 03/06/2001 posting sex thorough a sheet is a fact in orthodox life and it comes out of a strict interpretation of the rules of marital behavior. FALSE. sex thorough a sheet is in fact assur, forbidden across the board, especially in "orthodox" communities. One reason birth control is assur (condoms is an easy example) is because it creates a separation between man and woman, and intercourse is hashras haschina-bringing the Divine presence into the world, into the couples lives... Using a sheet defeats the entire purpose of unity! Secondly, in the same posting, although the excuse of women covering their hair is due to attraction, is only one of the reasons a woman should want to cover her hair. It is in fact a mitzvah d'orita, and derived from the Parsha that discusses Esha Sota- "the Cohen uncoveres her hair" this teaches us that a married woman covers her hair! This makes me question your validity and knowledge of halacha l'masea. PLEASE DONT ANSWER QUESTIONS IF YOU DONT HAVE THE EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND REQUIRED. Posted on 07/12/2010 A: The "expert" did not answer that question. We allow people like you to post your interpretations and allow those who do not agree to post their disagreements. In this case, you are right. Thank you Q: On several questions you answered that ejaculation anywhere besides normal intercourse is forbidden. You also answered above that a wife may masturbate her husband to the point of ejaculation. I am very curious if my wife of 10 years may satisfy me in new ways. Someone showed me a ramban that said a husband may enjoy his wife as he pleases. Posted on 08/04/2010 A: if she wants, she may Q: Hi I read the section about oral sex. Was that also concerning man giving oral sex to his wife from what i understood a man is permited in seldom occasion that the wife needs it? Posted on 08/16/2010 A: yes he can, yes he may, yes he should Q: does oral sex accepted in marrage,is the bible against it Posted on 08/19/2010 A: It is accepted for women. Men should not loose the seed. Q: Q: does oral sex accepted in marrage,is the bible against it and why there is not a lot by law and it sead that if u kiss it or look at it ur kids will be blind or mute or deaf thank you Posted on 08/23/2010 A: No kids will be neither mute, nor deaf, nor nothing do not worry, this is not how the world works. Kosher Sex: All Fields Are Required. Name: Your Name Will Not Be Displayed. Email: Your Email Address Will Not Be Displayed. Question: Please review your entries carefully before Submitting and try to be clear and concise.

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